Thomas Muller to Chelsea, Neymar to Manchester United and Jack Butland to Liverpool

Chelsea are a touch short in the striking department at the moment, what with Diego Costa dropped, Loic Remy playing rotten and the corpse of Radamel Falcao not yet fully reanimated. All the more reason, then, to hijack Manchester United’s long-standing courtship of Thomas Muller.

The Old Trafford club’s pursuit of Muller has been persistent for nigh on two years, to the point where Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, chief executive of Bayern Munich, had to tell them to stop emailing him about the 26-year old’s availability. Alas, it seems his inbox is only going to get fuller.

Staying in the red half of Manchester, Talksport report that Louis van Gaal has stepped up his interest in AC Milan’s young goalkeeper. Gianluigi Donnarumma has impressed in his six appearances for Siniša Mihajlović’s side this season and caught many an eye among Europe’s elite clubs.

Agent Mino Raiola has compared his client, 16, to Amedeo Modigliani, 131, in that he, like the 20th century Italian painter’s work, is worth €170m. "He has a great future ahead of him and is an amazing guy, who is liked by all,” Raiola claims. “He is still very young, but can become a champion player."

Sticking with ‘keepers, Jack Butland’s coming of age could soon see him leaving Stoke City. The England international has not been known to hold on to the ball for too long, subsequently give away a free-kick inside the penalty area and then concede from the set-piece, which makes him a perfect replacement for Simon Mignolet at Liverpool.

Steady on though because, predictably, Jurgen Klopp’s going to have to part with a sizeable amount to secure Butland’s services. "Jack's going nowhere," says Potters boss Mark Hughes, according the Daily Mirror. "People are aware of him - and they have been for a long time. Do I think that [£20m} is a fair value? No. We wouldn't place a value on him."

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To the Emirates, where a lengthening queue outside the treatment room might, for once, force Arsene Wenger’s hand. After all, this time around, there’s no pugnacious ‘police officer’ to recall from Charlton Athletic and last year’s coming man, Francis Coquelin, is out with knee ligament damage.

We’ve all heard the whispers about Lars Bender and William Carvalho, but Arsenal’s need for a Coquelin replacement could in fact see them turn to Porto’s Ruben Neves. The 18-year-old has been heavily linked with Liverpool in recent weeks but, according to The Sun, Wenger is prepared to part with £12m plus add-ons for his services.

And finally, Neymar to Manchester United, anyone?

"Barcelona want Neymar to stay,” explains Spanish football correspondent Guillem Balague, “…but he is no rush to renew his contract because he wants to see how his tax situation develops. Meanwhile, he will flirt with the likes of Manchester United.”

And so, Neymar plays with hair, blushes a bit, even shows some thigh to Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward until, minutes before midnight, big old Barcelona walk in with a bumper new contract and tell Brazilian to get his coat.

Same as it ever was.