Brian Viner: Fergie the gum-slinger throws up opportunity for another Manchester United goldmine

This week, I feel compelled to return to the Strange Topic of Sir Alex and the Chewing-Gum, in the hope that the word Topic does not confuse the issue by suggesting another brand of confectionery altogether.

I had not, in truth, expected the subject of the Manchester United manager's chewing-gum to run and run. Or stretch and stretch. But too many readers have e-mailed me for me to turn my back on this thing, most of you in support of my contention that, while madly masticating during a match, Fergie should not keep blithely dropping his empty gum wrappers. It sets impressionable children, not to mention impressionable adults, a terrible example.

A number of you also alerted me to the great man's even more heinous crime of lobbing his used gum on to the pitch at the end of a match. One correspondent, whose e-mail I accidentally deleted, so who sadly cannot be credited for a wonderful flight of fancy, suggested that, in this age of extravagant goal celebrations, there was every chance that an over-excited youngster might dive headlong on the turf, end up with Sir Alex's discarded chewing-gum in his hair, and get into dreadful trouble with his mum when he got home (unless it was Wayne Rooney, of course, in which case he would resourcefully extract it for his own use at a later awards ceremony).

The subject of extravagant goal celebrations, incidentally, offers me a brief diversion from Fergie the gum-slinger. It is getting beyond a joke.

And it was never a very good joke in the first place, the first place being not White Hart Lane, where Jürgen Klinsmann flung himself to the ground in mockery of all those who had accused him of diving, but... where? Was it the charismatic Cameroonian Roger Milla who started it with his corner-flag gyrations during the 1990 World Cup? Or should we go further back, to Mick Channon's cartwheeling arm, or Charlie George's caper of lying flat looking at his toes?

Whatever, it is a subject to which I wish to return, and would be grateful for your input. Where did it all start? And what have been the most preposterous examples? In the meantime, let's get back to the matter in hand. Or more precisely, the matter on the ground.

Amid all the support I received for lambasting Sir Alex for dropping gum wrappers, there were also some eloquent voices of dissent, predictably belonging to United fans. John Weatherby pointed out that there are no bins at Old Trafford because they are considered a fire and even a terrorism hazard, and that within the stadium spectators are actually encouraged to drop litter. "Sir Alex is therefore, as usual, leading by example," he wrote, defiantly.

Mark Lynch took up the same argument and ran with it as tortuously as Ryan Giggs. "In the concourses behind the stands there are no bins," he explained. "So there is no alternative other than to leave your wrapper or cup where you stand. United do employ cleaners who tidy up while the match is on [so] just think of the rise in unemployment there would be if [the club] provided bins for us all to use."

It seems I have inadvertently sparked off an important debate here, embracing the obligation of great institutions to behave responsibly, unemployment figures, fire hazards, terrorism, civil liberties and Juicy Fruit. Of course, as admirable as it is for these United fans to spring to Fergie's defence, their arguments are, ultimately, and to coin a phrase, a load of rubbish.

Kids watching on the telly do not know that Old Trafford is a binless zone, they just see a grown-up dropping litter. Obviously, Sir Alex should stuff the wrappers in his pocket and keep the gum in his mouth at least until he is back in the dressing room.

Still, as Phil Clayton ventured, it could be worse. It could be America.

"You should see the state of the dugout after any baseball game," he wrote. "Empty plastic cups, peanut shells, sunflower seed shells, bubble-gum, and probably worst of all, the remains of chewing tobacco. Pity the poor sod who has to clean that lot up."

Well, yes and no. It should not be forgotten, as much as sensible folk might like to, that a piece of gum reportedly expelled by the Arizona Diamondbacks batter Luis Gonzalez was last year sold at auction for $10,000.

And we should not just titter at this from afar; most star-spangled idiocies eventually cross the Atlantic. Moreover, isn't there already some kind of liaison between baseball, in the form of the New York Yankees, and Manchester United? It would not be like the marketing men at Old Trafford to miss such a glittering merchandising opportunity.

In fact, I have no doubt at all that Sir Alex Ferguson's used chewing-gum is being carefully stockpiled, and will be released into the sports memorabilia market, bit by pinky-grey bit, as soon as he next announces his retirement.

Don't forget, you read it here first.

b.viner@independent.co.uk