England's toil goes unrewarded as Usman Khawaja and Steve Smith help Australia take control

Another day of largely unrewarded toil for England, as Australia gradually took a grip of the fifth Test at the SCG. And so in the context of this series, it was a largely familiar story, albeit with two notable exceptions. One was the heat, which after a mild summer cranked up a couple of notches here and is poised to rise into the mid-30s by the weekend.

The other is Usman Khawaja, who played his most fluent and assured innings of the series, on the ground where he made his Test and Ashes debut seven years ago. He ended the day just nine runs short of his first Test century against England, and his unbroken stand of 107 with Steve Smith - who you may have read about elsewhere - put Australia in command, two or three more good sessions away from being able to toast a 4-0 series victory.

England did not bowl badly on the whole, with Mason Crane getting a good long spell on his Test debut, and the new-ball pair keeping things tight. But the ease with which first David Warner, and then Khawaja and Smith, were able to get going merely brought their shambolic end to day one into sharp focus. Dawid Malan was right: a score of 450 is about par on this surface, and if Smith’s appetite for batting has still not been sated, Australia may yet even surpass it.

All of which followed an exceptionally silly morning session which saw England losing their five remaining wickets, Australia briefly losing their marbles, and this series losing its last vestiges of sporting dignity. The key moments, in ascending order of absurdity:

10) After dropping his last three, Smith taking a brilliant left-handed catch at second slip to dismiss Malan early in the day.

9) Pat Cummins producing a superb throat-ball to catch the edge of Moeen Ali an hour later.

8) Tom Curran carving his way to a mightily assured 39.

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7) Australia continuing to pepper England’s tail with the short ball, despite the lack of pace in the pitch, the lack of pace in Mitchell Starc, and the fact that Broad kept whacking them.

6) Stuart Broad hooking Cummins for two huge sixes, despite barely looking at the ball as he did so.

5) The shot that eventually did for Broad after a breezy 31, a wild hoik into the leg-side off Nathan Lyon that ended in the hands of Smith, running back from slip.

4) Cummins dropping a simple catch at mid-on as Curran danced down the wicket and tried to chip Lyon over the top.

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3) Josh Hazlewood incredibly, incredulously, dropping an even simpler catch four balls later, as he watched the ball fly straight up in the air from Moeen’s top edge, steadied himself under it and somehow let the ball drop straight through him without getting a hand on it.

2) The now-annual SCG tradition of former Australian prime minister Bob Hawke - aged 88 - sculling an entire beer on live television.

1) The run-out that ended the innings, in which James Anderson nudged into the leg side and darted through for a run, leaving Crane yards out of his ground, forlornly run out for 4 in his debut innings, and perhaps wondering if Test cricket is always this downright weird.

At the end of which, England had moved their overnight 233-5 onto 346, a par score in conditions that were just threatening to do a little, both in terms of swing and spin. And when Broad bowled the joyless Cameron Bancroft through a gate that could also have accommodated the groundsman’s roller, the sightscreen and most of the 43,846 crowd, England briefly sensed an opportunity to break open the Australian top order and get an early dart at Smith.

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It didn’t happen. Warner and Khawaja settled quickly against the change bowlers of Curran and Moeen. And so it was not long before Crane was summoned for his first bowl in Test cricket, blinking furiously, flicking the ball from hand to hand, looking more boy than man, and more leggie than either. For leg-spin is not simply a job but a vocation, not simply a costume but a calling. Richie Benaud reckoned it was the hardest skill to perfect in cricket, simply because the margin for error is so small. Crane was just 20. What could he do?

His first ball was an awful long-hop, whipped away for a single. His second was way down the leg-side. Briefly, a Scott Borthwick-shaped meltdown beckoned. But Crane found his range quickly enough, rattling through five tidy overs, and by the time he returned after tea for his second spell, Anderson had managed to dismiss Warner with a little nip off the seam.

Crane’s second spell was eventful. He found more turn, found the edges of both Smith and Khawaja, generated quite a few head-in-hands moments. And still, that fragility was never too far from the surface. He lost his run-up a few times, earning some barracking from the crowd. He bowled a waist-high full toss that Smith swung to the mid-wicket boundary, a number of filthy long hops that were simply swatted. Khawaja took great pleasure in reverse sweeping him at every opportunity. He ended the day with no maidens.

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But then, this is the lot of the leg-spinner. They make things happen, as they say, even if that quality is also true of a Doberman on hallucinogenic drugs, or Donald Trump. You are sacrificing a measure of control for a ticket in the raffle. Crane certainly looked more like getting a wicket than either Moeen or Curran, at any rate, and Joe Root showed commendable faith by trusting him to bowl unchanged for over an hour. And whatever else you could say about Crane’s first day as a Test bowler, it certainly wasn’t dull.

Of the rest, Anderson was deliciously frugal, Broad occasionally penetrating, Curran game but toothless, Moeen better than he has been in the rest of the series. It is a wildly uneven line-up in so many ways, but one you suspect is capable of picking up a few wickets in a hurry, which is what England desperately need to do on day three.