Ashes Diary: Pommie-basher-in-chief turns on 'shambolic' home attack
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.You know things are not quite right Down Under when Jeff Thomson, Pommie-basher-in-chief, starts talking up England's chances. The scourge of the tourists' batting on the infamous 1974-75 tour says that the current Australia attack is the worst in 30 years. "The fact is the Poms are more disciplined, their bowlers are better," he said.
"I believe their bowlers bowl tighter than our blokes and we don't have the patience that they do. They're just better organised than we are. To me, we look like we're a shambles."
Thomson (who once claimed that "I enjoy hitting a batsman more than getting him out. It doesn't worry me in the least to see a batsman hurt, rolling around screaming and blood on the pitch") is dismayed by the current attack's lack of bloodlust. "They don't even bruise anyone, they wouldn't bruise a peach," Thommo told a Sydney radio station. "I don't even know why they [English batsmen] go out with protective gear on."
The England coach, Andy Flower, is the difference between the sides, Thomson believes. "Andy Flower is a mate of mine, he's a very smart guy and a tough bloke," he said. "He would have Australia worked out. He's a great thinker and he'd be passing that on to the players."
No sour grapes from losers of the other Ashes
Adelaide might not be the most exciting city in Australia, but the City of Churches has got the rest of the country whipped when it comes to grog. It's home to the best major brewery Down Under and surrounded by wine-growing regions, chief among them the Barossa Valley, where you'll find Château Tanunda, a winery that occasionally hosts cricket matches. In 2006 England, led by Mike Gatting, crushed Australia, led by Kim Hughes. Ian Botham and David Gower, meanwhile, provided the commentary: presumably they were too busy sampling the produce to don their whites.
Bollinger may have rug pulled from under him
Growing hair on his upper lip didn't appear to help Mitchell Johnson in the first Test, so Doug Bollinger is the logical choice to replace him. This is the man who responded to male pattern baldness by acquiring what is cricket's most unconvincing toupee, in the process earning himself the nickname "Doug the Rug". Unfortunately, his bald head shows up when "Hot Spot" technology is used.
Hilfenhaus is shown no Lee-way
England fans pining for the return of Brett Lee? Given his Ashes average hovered around 40, perhaps not that surprising, but that's not why the Barmy Army want him back. The Army's Paul Winslow says it's his ability to banter with the crowd – in stark contrast to Ben Hilfenhaus – that they miss. "If you're going to field in front of the Barmy Army with no sense of humour and the ill grace to not sign a young kid's bat, you're in for a long tour," Winslow said of Hilfenhaus's behaviour during the first Test in Brisbane. "We even offered to help him with the spelling of his name, but to no avail."
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments