Angus Fraser: Hollioake a freed spirit again

The life of a professional cricketer is a privileged one. You have a career and a life-style to envy and get pretty well looked after wherever you go. The downside of this is that when you are cocooned in your own little world you can lose track of reality.

When all you have to worry about is how the ball is coming out of your hand, how your feet are moving or whether you should really have asked Australia to bat, not a lot happens to put your life in perspective. For most cricketers in England, however, the tragic death of Ben Holli-oake earlier this year did just that.

And no one has been transformed by the terrible event more than Ben's older brother Adam, the latest addition to the England squad here, arriving as a replacement for the injured Andrew Flintoff. In a roundabout way he has even taken his brother's place in the squad. "If Ben had been here I definitely would not have been called up," he said. "But yes I suppose I am [replacing him]. But I look at it that I am one of the best 15 one-day cricketers who are fit."

Before Ben was killed in a car crash in Perth, Adam was a decent, likeable and ambitious man with a slightly cocky and arrogant side. He was the type of player it was good to have in your side, but a pain as an opponent. As the successful captain of Middlesex's London rivals Surrey, his manner, and his team's, rubbed in the miserable time we were having. Under Hollioake's guidance Surrey became – and after winning seven trophies in seven years – remain, the best side in England. For several seasons before he took over they had possessed a strong squad but lacked a certain something. It was his character and leadership which turned them from under-achievers who choked on the big occasion into winners. Like his style of play, Hollioake's leadership was based on confidence and a fierce competitive instinct.

He was made captain of the England one-day side for the winter of 1997-98 when Mike Atherton turned down the trip to Sharjah. He had immediate success and led England to triumph in the tournament. But things began to go downhill and the captaincy was taken off him following defeat by South Africa in the Texaco Trophy. He remained in England's one-day plans until the 1999 World Cup. But he has not played since the elimination by India at Edgbaston.

Back in his England colours at yesterday's press conference in Melbourne – the city of his birth – it was noticeable that the brashness had gone. This was not down to losing the England captaincy after 14 games. The death of his brother had put that into its proper perspective. Now you felt you were in the company of an altogether humbler, more well-rounded man, and one who, despite the trauma he has gone through, is at ease with himself. Now 31, Hollioake admits that the emotional upheaval of the year altered his outlook on cricket.

At times Hollioake wondered whether he wanted to or would play again, but he was talked into going back to England from the family home in Perth, by his family. When he did return, Surrey won the Championship for the third time in four years and Hollioake himself had an excellent summer. Despite missing almost half the season his first-class batting average was 67 and he took 30 wickets at 14.9 runs apiece in one-day cricket.

"My game has changed, and a lot of it is down to Ben's death," he said. "It has gone through several transitions but now I am playing more like I did when I first started. Through playing with England for three or four years I became a bit more defensive and I am not a very good defender. I am better at attacking. When I first started playing for England I went out and basically swung from my arse. I was not concerned about failure. I was happy to be there. Then as time goes on you don't want to lose what you have got. As we sit here now I have got nothing, so what have I to lose? And there is nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose.

"Now I have absolutely no fear of failure whatsoever. For me it is just a game. Before I used to worry about what the downside of not playing well was. Now I do not worry about it at all, because I have realised the sun will still come up tomorrow morning and whatever will be will be. If I get 0 for 100 and a duck then so be it, that's life. I won't lose any sleep over it. I will still be trying my best but I just want to get on with the game and enjoy it."

With England's tour going the way it has – no wins in eight and a half weeks, the Ashes lost in three short Tests, swept aside in the first one-dayer of the VB Series by Australia and facing the world champions again today, injuries galore –Nasser Hussain could do a lot worse than get Hollioake involved immediately. When a side are consistently getting beaten they tend to mope around and feel sorry for themselves. They feel nobody is under more pressure or in a worse position, and this makes the challenge of getting out of the rut that much harder. In comparison to what Hollioake has been through, however, England's travails are like an annoying fly around your face, and his presence and personality could have a positive effect.

Certainly they will if they match his determination to raise money for Ben's memorial fund. In October Adam will set off walking from the Scottish border to Dover. He'll then row across the Channel to Calais, cycle to Gibraltar and row to Tangiers – a trek of some 1,600 miles.

When the England coach Duncan Fletcher announced that Flintoff was to return to the UK, he mentioned that his side now faced the possibility of losing two of their leading all-rounders for the World Cup. The other, of course, was Ben. But Adam now has the chance of ensuring there is one Hollioake in South Africa in February. The World Cup final takes place on 23 March – exactly a year to the day that Ben died. It would be a fairy tale, but then sometimes they do come true.