Property: It's an open and shut case, m'lud

I NOTE with interest that the noble estate agency profession has instituted the role of ombudsperson with a clear view to clearing out the rogues whose sharp practices besmirch the good name of the industry. This move is to be applauded: I for one will be quick to make use of the ombudsperson's good offices.

Unsurprisingly, I have my first complaint to hand. It may seem trifling to those who have been ravaged and pillaged by marauding estate agents, but it is important to me. The question is: why do agents keep office hours which are suitable only for the retired or unemployed? Like many people, I have a day job which takes me to another part of the forest, many miles from the place I would like to live.

The place where I work has, nearby, a number of estate agents. Unfortunately they are offering properties near their offices, not near to where I want to live. This I understand.

What I do not understand is that at the weekend, when I can scour the property market, the estate agents in my locality of choice are shut. As I understand it, estate agents are part of what is called the services sector. To my mind it is pretty poor service if they are closed when their customers require them to be open.

I am sure there are very good reasons. If agents stayed open on Saturday afternoons or Sundays there is a grave danger they may be mistaken for people who actually give a damn. It would represent an act of supreme customer service.

My guess is that estate agents are proud professionals who are worried their neighbours might think they work in shops. After all, many estate agencies are on high streets nestling between the local Kwikomart and Bert the Butcher. Some agencies look like shops, even if on the inside they have nothing to sell. Estate agents may wear suits, but so do many shop assistants these days.

But this is where the similarities end. For while people who work in shops are happy to be called sales assistants, people who work in estate agents like to be executives or consultants. Shops are happy to be open all hours, but estate agents like their weekends off. I know one agency that actually has weekend staff who know nothing about property but are trained to say "Why don't you come back on Monday?" and "Can I take a message for him?" I cannot see any great change in attitude as long as estate agents can open any conversation with the phrase: "There is not much on the market at the moment."

I guess that whereas shops know they must be nice to customers, estate agents think customers have to be nice to them. There was no disguising the sense of power vested in the one estate agent I did catch last Saturday before he raced home to catch the football half-times. He was almost orgasmic as he flung open his filing cabinet and said: "Look, it's virtually empty!"

All this will change once the ombudsperson is on the case. When he says: "Stay open!", estate agents will say: "How long?"