Moving makes a wreck of kids, too

If someone smart and alert has started to lose interest in their appearance, is short-tempered, struggling at work and having more alcohol than is good for them, the chances are they are in the process of moving home – or trying to.

If someone smart and alert has started to lose interest in their appearance, is short-tempered, struggling at work and having more alcohol than is good for them, the chances are they are in the process of moving home – or trying to.

It is a given that the uncertain, drawn-out process of buying and selling is extremely stressful, but just how many people it affects doesn't strike many of us until we are in the thick of it. In a family move, those closest to the centre of the storm are the children. They must live not only with the uncertainty but also the knowledge that their parents don't seem to be in control.

A friend who found herself with an unusually disruptive child only belatedly put it down to their move. The more she talked to others, the more obvious it became. This comes as no surprise to Cary Cooper, BUPA professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology, who advises companies on how to help their employees move.

"All the stresses to do with moving tend to be played out in front of the kids. It can get very nasty and both partners may say things they don't mean. Often both will have jobs, around which they have to fit in all the arrangements. And if a spanner gets thrown in the works, who is going to sort things out? They will appear not to be in charge at a time when the children are leaving their stable environment for a new school and a new neighbourhood.

"Since moving is not a singular event and is tied up increasingly with divorce, the strains of the chain system in this country make it even worse. A parent will take a child to see a new house and school and then a few months later the chain is broken and they lose the place."

Cooper suggests the best way of alleviating the strain is to accept that we are not in control of the situation and that, as we are paying agents and solicitors, they should get on with it. But the trouble is, our system of months of uncertainty followed by a final rush when we pay 10 per cent of the money and have only a few weeks to complete, makes it almost impossible to remain calm, argues Paul Tayler, director of Sotheby's International Realty.

He expects the Government to come up with detailed proposals during the next 12 weeks on how best to speed up the process. While it still appears to favour the sellers' pack, Mr Tayler suggests that they could do worse than consider some features of the American system. "In most states the broker will handle much of the paperwork and has a greater incentive to drive things forward. Their commission is higher but it is more a question of quality than quantity that is so crucial to our estate agents. In America they are also required to be qualified and licensed."

Somehow, the thought of leaving everything in the hands of estate agents and solicitors doesn't do much for reducing stress levels. But, like buying and selling our homes, we can live in hope.