IDEAL HOMES

Location: Spain. Somewhere secluded on a hillside, overlooking the sea. I have an affinity with the sea, because my ruler is Neptune and I am a Piscean.

LOCAL AMENITIES: One bar, preferably gay, with a disco; a supermarket that sells beluga caviare, Marmite and baked beans.

CHARACTER OF BUILDING: Le Corbusier's chapel at Ronchamp. It's a white asymmetrical building on a hill in France with loads of little square windows dotted around. The chapel starts off small and goes very big on top and its weird proportions seem to work well with the hill. My house would also have a glass roof so I could look up and see the stars when I'm in bed - it's kind of nice when you're with someone you love.

CONSTRUCTION: Two- or three-inch thick steel with a brick facing. Then even if there was a nuclear war maybe it wouldn't get blown away.

NUMBER OF BEDROOMS: Five, because I wouldn't want too many visitors. I don't want parties every night.

BATHROOMS: I am a big bathroom person myself. I'd like three. One would be made of slate with a sunken bath, and the water would overflow into cavities around it. It would have a Gothic, dungeon feel about it and would double as a sauna and a sex playroom. I'd have harnesses and collar restraints and a few rats scurrying around for added atmosphere. Sound proofing would be a big feature.

RECEPTION ROOMS: Two, a dining room and a lounge. I've always wanted to suspend glass in mid-air on an invisible line. I'd have a glass table and chairs suspended from the ceiling, hovering above the floor so your feet wouldn't touch the ground. Guests might get a bit seasick with all the wobbling about. The lounge would be a big open space with a concrete floor and a Persian rug. I'd have a sunken fish pond going all the way round the living room in a figure of eight, with little footbridges over it.

I'd watch the Sunday match sitting in Scott Crolla's big chair. He designed an asymmetrical chair with a really high back, which I've always liked.

KITCHEN: The kitchen would be stainless steel and granite with a massive sink. I love to cook but I hate doing the dishes - so I'd have a dishwasher or a family of gypsies to do the washing up.

DECORATIVE STYLE: Minimal but featuring a bright colour, maybe orange or yellow.

LUXURIES YOU WOULD INSTALL: It wouldn't be a vibrating bed - I just can't get the rhythm right on those things. Because I like minimal surroundings everything would be in and away. I'd have the amazing gadgetry I saw on a television programme ages ago - at the press of a button the telly came out of the roof, the bed came out of the floor and the toilet came out of the window.

OBJECT WHICH WOULD SAY MOST ABOUT YOU: The 12ft by 6ft portrait which the photographer Nick Knight recently did of me using a computer. My head is exploding a la the film Scanners - the fashion world does my head in sometimes.

SPECIAL OUTBUILDINGS: What's an outbuilding? I grew up in Stratford, not Gloucestershire. The only outbuilding we had was an outside toilet.

VIEW FROM THE WINDOW: The sea.

SIZE OF GARDEN: 200 square miles of private property around the house. I'd have someone to do to the garden, her name would be Nature.

GARDEN'S BEST FEATURE: A glass cube with a swimming pool in it.

POTENTIAL WORST NEIGHBOUR: Anybody.

MOTTO OVER THE DOOR: Enter at your own risk.

WHAT IT WOULD COST: According to Roger C Faulks, editor of Spanish Property News, (tel: 0181 297 9194) the wild countryside and coastline around the Ebro delta on the Costa Dorada presents itself as a location for McQueen's ideal home. Situated south of the cities of Tarragona and Barcelona, this lightly populated region should give him the isolation he seeks. Two hundred square miles of private property would require the budget of a small African state. But, more reasonably, a few thousand acres of mountainside could be purchased for as little as pounds 500,000, whereas a regular plot of perhaps 10 acres would cost between pounds 10,000 and pounds 50,000 depending on its position. A large villa might cost pounds 200,000 to pounds 650,000, but the unusual specification of McQueen's house means that he would almost certainly have to have it designed himself. An alternative might be to buy an old Moorish castle that is perched high up on a hillside overlooking the Mediterranean - provided he could find one for sale - that at least would be likely to have a dungeon or two to play in.