Belgian paedophile says euthanasia is only way to escape his 'unbearable' sexual orientation

A Belgian man who is attracted to young men and adolescent boys wants to undergo euthanasia because he cannot live with his sexuality.

The 39-year-old engineer, speaking under the pseudonym ‘Sébastian’, said his sexual orientation was “unbearable.”

“It’s a permanent suffering, like being a prisoner in my own body,” he told the BBC.

“Not being able to go out, a constant sense of shame, feeling tired, being attracted to people you shouldn’t be attracted to. It’s the opposite of what I would have wanted.”

Euthanasia has been legal in Belgium since 2002 and can be agreed in cases of “constant and unbearable physical or mental suffering”.

More than 1,807 cases of euthanasia were confirmed in 2013 – a figure which rose to more than 2,000 in 2015, according to L’Express.

Both euthanasia, which is conducted by a doctor, and assisted suicide, the act of deliberately assisting or encouraging another person to kill themselves, are illegal in the UK.

Sébastian has begun the lengthy process towards euthanasia by lethal injection by obtaining one initial decision from a doctor. In psychiatric cases, three doctors must agree to the procedure, while two must give their consent in the instance of physical illness.

He said death had been a preoccupation from an early age.

“My whole life has led to this. My mother had dementia, and I wasn’t right, mentally,” he said, adding that his family were strict Catholics and disapproved of homosexuality.

“I was extremely lonely, extremely withdrawn, and very inhibited physically. I was scared to go out, scared of being seen all the time.”

When he was 15, he met a boy of the same age with whom he fell in love. But he said he was not able to accept his sexuality, which he found “unbearable”.

“I’ve fallen in love twice afterwards: with an 18-year-old and a 22-year-old. However, I’m relieved to see I’m capable of falling in love with boys who are out of adolescence,” he said.

“Despite everything, this sexual orientation is unbearable for me. I can’t bear it and will never be able to bear it.”

Despite 17 years of therapy, he is still attracted to adolescents, he told 20 Minutes.

He admitted having viewed images of boys and young men online, but said he had never committed a sexual assault.

After a suicide attempt, he told doctors he thought he was a paedophile, but said they did not accept his self-diagnosis.

“They told me: ‘you’re making things up. Move on with your life.’ They told me that I was not a danger to children,” he said.

“I spent four years in a psychiatric hospital. I saw eight psychologists, four psychiatrists, and a sexologist.

“I even handed myself into the police in 2014 [...] they referred me to another psychologist”

He said society didn’t understand the suffering of paedophiles.

“My aim has never been to harm children. I don’t have that impulse,” he said.

“It’s more about love – but society is against these kinds of relationships, which is right. So, I don’t want anything any more. Only hell awaits me.”

Latifa Bennari, the founder of the French association L'Ange Blue, which offers help to paedophiles with the aim of preventing harm, said Sébastian had made contact with her by e-mail around six months ago.

She was moved by the subject line of the email, "help me to die", and by an animated cartoon he had later shared with her, Ms Bennari told The Independent.

But Ms Bennari said she hopes he can stay alive with the help of the association, instead of resorting to euthanasia.

"Paedophiles need an alternative structure that doesn't judge them," she said. "If that many psychologists couldn't help him, that's a real failure in their duties."

Last month, a Belgian victim of ten years of sex abuse was allowed to undergo euthanasia in her 20s due to “incurable” post-traumatic stress disorder, severe anorexia and chronic depression.

The doctors judged her to be “totally competent” and that there was “no major depression or other mood disorder which affected her thinking”.

And in 2014, the country became the first in the world to legalise euthanasia for children, permitting doctors to end the life of a terminally ill child in very rare cases.

The majority of euthanasia cases in Belgium are elderly people suffering from terminal illnesses.