Remember those who are left behind

The rumours began to drift among the international expatriates in Bali several weeks ago. The US consul there had passed on a general State Department warning to "stay away from crowded places" in case there some was some kind of attack aimed at Westerners. My American friend Joan Leahy, a long-time resident of Bali, confirmed this when she came to stay with me for a fortnight before 12 October, and we celebrated her 50th birthday in London and Paris. But terrorism was the last thing on either of our minds as I put her on the plane back to Bali on Thursday, 10 October.

At the airport I half-wished that I was returning with her to the beautiful, peaceful island where I had spent so much time. We never imagined then that those warnings would be vindicated two days later in the most horrific way.

I lived there with the British anthropologist Lawrence Blair, who with his brother Lorne made an award-winning BBC series about Indonesia, Ring of Fire. We travelled around some of the 13,000 islands, visiting places still rooted in mythology and primitive belief, and meeting an extraordinarily diverse range of the Indonesian people.

In 1995 we organised our own "Ring of Fire" cruise with Amir Rabik, a well-known Bali businessman, and took 40 friends on a catamaran expedition to wild and distant places. Among those on board were Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall, and the publisher Tom Maschler. We travelled to West New Guinea, where we were adopted by the warrior-artist Asmats, cannibals only a generation before; watched trance-dancing in Flores; and swam with sharks and snakes. Only once did we run into trouble, when the Muslim headman of one village objected to our presence and stones were thrown at us.

At the end of this gruelling trip we were welcomed back by the gentle and beautiful Hindu people of Bali with garlands, offerings to the gods, and thanks for our safe return. Our arrival back was made even more poignant by the fact that Lorne had died unexpectedly three months before, and the Balinese had blessed our trip with his spirit during his funeral ceremonies. Several years later I "married" my husband, Teddy, in a Hindu ceremony on a beach in Bali (à la Mick and Jerry, though we didn't know that at the time) surrounded by friends and Balinese bearing fruit and wedding gifts.

All this came to mind last Saturday night as radio snippets began the shocking story of the bombing: 40, 50, 60 people killed, many more feared... I made desperate calls to Bali to establish that all my friends and their families were safe, then the emails began to trickle in, telling heart-rending stories of overcrowded, chaotic Sanglah hospital, of bodies, dismembered, lying in the street by the Sari nightclub. How many times had I walked that street? Watched the young, healthy, tanned Australians meeting friends at Paddy's Bar? Eaten a delicious fry-up breakfast at the Bounty restaurant next door? Bought sarongs from smiling Balinese shop owners? The street always had such an upbeat, happy feeling, dominated by the sound of the booming bass from the Sari. Now it was twisted metal and human remains.

The emails told a dreadful story. Jane Hawkins, who had volunteered to help at the hospital, said: "It was like being on the front lines – the human suffering was unbearable. The burn victims – most people were in that category – were the worst. No facilities (what hospital in the world has?) to treat 160 burnt people?"

While the Australians initially looked after their own, airlifting the injured to hospitals in Darwin, and the British consul and his staff combed the streets for signs of Britons, the Balinese were forgotten. Dozens are dead, and the injured are expected to pay for their own treatment – ruinous to people who have no money. My friend (and best man at my "wedding") Richard Flax, a British businessman, tells me that he has raised $13,000 from the Swiss embassy to help them to buy medicines, but this is a tiny fraction of the sum needed.

Then there are the long-term economic consequences for the Indonesians, of whom the vast majority are peace-loving and depend on tourism for their living. Despite the fact that British citizens, tour operators and tourists are now being told to evacuate Bali and the rest of Indonesia, I believe we must continue to take our holidays in places such as Bali – albeit staying out of nightclubs and crowded places – otherwise the very culture we admire so much may disappear, to be replaced by a grinding poverty which may only attract further extremism. Already a spirit of resilience and teamwork is establishing itself among the expats. After being originally attracted to Bali for the beauty and ease of the good life, they are not now going to leave when the going gets tough. Or as Richard Flax put it, "the shock and horror has been replaced by anger and a sense of outrage. We refuse to let these less-than-human creatures dictate our freedom. People did not abandon London when the IRA bombs were going off, nor New York when the twin towers fell. Now it's our turn to show our character".

The Balinese have been gracious hosts to foreigners since the Dutch discovered the island in 1597. They were followed by colonies of painters, writers, film and pop stars, and even royalty, from Jagger, David Bowie and Sting to Diana, Princess of Wales, lured by world-class hotels such as Adrian Zecher's Aman resorts or the Four Seasons. It is we who brought the Balinese the hedonistic life and financial gain for which, inadvertently, they are now suffering.

Another friend, Anita LoCoco, who runs an exclusive villa rental agency, tells me that not only have there been very few cancellations from Westerners, but also "the Balinese reaction, at this stage, has been on a spiritual level. They feel that perhaps they had fallen from grace with the spirits for not honouring their presence enough in this area. There have already been numerous ceremonies and meetings throughout Bali telling the community to unite and include all other religious sects to mourn together".

No matter how dreadful the events of 12 October 2002, these people will need us to holiday there more than ever now. As Anita puts it, "this past week has brought out the best in us all. The feeling among friends is of care and love. Everyone is walking gently here".

Donations to help the people of Bali affected by the bombing can be sent to the Indonesian Bomb Victim Fund, Bank Bali, branch: Kabang no 601; account no 5802161508; swiftcode: bbbaidja