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Rhinestone hats, ‘woke tears’ in a bottle, and Jan 6 pinball: The wild MAGA merch at CPAC

‘America’s funniest anti-woke brand’ which ‘identifies as transparent’ offered ‘woke tears’ in a bottle to the CPAC crowd

Gustaf Kilander
Washington, DC
Friday 23 February 2024 15:26 EST
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Related video: Jimmy Kimmel roasts Lara Trump’s talk at CPAC convention

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At this year’s CPAC, MAGA fans have been spoilt for choice with the array of merch to take their pick from.

There’s everything from Jesus hats decorated with rhinestones, MAGA-themed hammocks to relax on after a long day of culture war rhetoric, and some possibly salty “woke tears” in a bottle to quench your conservative thirst.

Not to mention the chance to take a break from the fearmongering on stage to play some January 6 insurrection pinball.

Here The Independent rounds up some of the wildest merchandise on offer:

‘Woke tears’ in a bottle

The stand for “America’s funniest anti-woke brand” which “identifies as transparent” and is “made from pure melted snowflakes” was almost entirely empty when The Independent stopped by.

‘Woke tears’ in a bottle was sold at CPAC
‘Woke tears’ in a bottle was sold at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

Rhinestone hats for loving Jesus and hating Joe Biden

There were rhinestone hats available for both those who wanted to explicitly say “f*** Biden” as well as those who wanted to send the very same message using the rightwing code: “Let’s Go Brandon”.

Rhinestone hats for those who love Jesus and hate Joe Biden were available at CPAC
Rhinestone hats for those who love Jesus and hate Joe Biden were available at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

Don’t relax without showing devotion to MAGA

For those who don’t want to nap without sharing their political beliefs, there’s MAGA Hammocks.

Maga Hammocks in the exhibit hall at CPAC
Maga Hammocks in the exhibit hall at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

Spruce up your office with a gold-headed Trump bobblehead...

Trump bobbleheads on display at CPAC
Trump bobbleheads on display at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

...or a painting of Trump hanging out with a lion

Donald Trump looks ahead next to a lion in a painting being sold at CPAC
Donald Trump looks ahead next to a lion in a painting being sold at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

Sign your name on Trump’s face emblazoned on a bus...

Radio host John Fredericks parked his bus in the exhibition hall for attendees to sign
Radio host John Fredericks parked his bus in the exhibition hall for attendees to sign (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

...or wear Trump’s face on your chest

T-shirts with Donald Trump’s Georgia mug shot sold at CPAC
T-shirts with Donald Trump’s Georgia mug shot sold at CPAC (Gustaf Kilander / The Independent)

But the most notable outfits appeared to not have been purchased at the conference:

Build the... suit?

Blake Marnell, of San Diego, center, dressed in his “wall suit,” poses for a photo with other another attendee of the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC 2024, at National Harbor in Oxon Hill, MD
Blake Marnell, of San Diego, center, dressed in his “wall suit,” poses for a photo with other another attendee of the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC 2024, at National Harbor in Oxon Hill, MD (AP)

Lady Liberty for Trump

A group of Trump supporters hold up signs at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024
A group of Trump supporters hold up signs at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024 (REUTERS)
An attendee is dressed as the Statue of Liberty as she walks through the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC 2024, at the National Harbor in Oxon Hill, Md., Friday, Feb. 23, 2024
An attendee is dressed as the Statue of Liberty as she walks through the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC 2024, at the National Harbor in Oxon Hill, Md., Friday, Feb. 23, 2024 (AP)

January 6 pinball

There were plenty of calls for January 6 rioters to be freed on stage, with many speakers pushing the line that suspected and some convicted insurrectionists are political prisoners. To accompany this rhetoric, there was even a “January 6” pinball machine.

People play a January 6-themed pinball game at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024
People play a January 6-themed pinball game at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024 (REUTERS)
An electronic pinball game is displayed in the expo hall at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) at Gaylord National Resort Hotel And Convention Center on February 22, 2024 in National Harbor, Maryland
An electronic pinball game is displayed in the expo hall at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) at Gaylord National Resort Hotel And Convention Center on February 22, 2024 in National Harbor, Maryland (Getty Images)

Trump tattoo and gold chain

Rapper Forgiato Blow showed off his thigh tattoo of the former president as well as the massive gold chain around his neck paying tribute to Mr Trump:

Rapper Forgiato Blow shows a person his Trump-themed tattoo at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024
Rapper Forgiato Blow shows a person his Trump-themed tattoo at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024 (REUTERS)
Rapper Forgiato Blow shows a person his Trump-themed jewelry at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024
Rapper Forgiato Blow shows a person his Trump-themed jewelry at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) annual meeting in National Harbor, Maryland, U.S., February 22, 2024 (REUTERS)

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