Stormy Daniels book summary: Adult film star gives Full Disclosure on alleged Trump affair

They started to talk about the porn business, and how much you can make. Trump seems strange interested in the money side, which she says is because "we could respect each other's insight as two career-obsessed people who happen to be extremely successful at what we do".

And onto the important bit of every Trump book: his hair. "This," I said, taking a long beat. 'What's going on with this?'"

'I know,' he said with a smile. It's ridiculous. Come on. First of all, I have a mirror. Second of all, I have had every celebrity stylist — even Paul Mitchell himself — wanting to give me a makeover. I could have whatever. I could basically have a head transplant if I wanted, okay?'

'Okay, well, why don't you?'

'Everybody talks about it,' he said with an air of in-on-the-joke smugness. It's my thing. It's my trademark. Plus, if I let this person do it, it will just piss off all these other people. 'Well, why did you let him do it?'. I know a lot of people who would kill to do it. The best. The best of the best.'

Now we're into the bit that everybody is talking about: the actual business of what happened between the two of them. Stormy claims that she went to the bathroom and came out to find Trump waiting for her on the bed, "perched on the edge, like he had tried out different poses", wearing "white briefs, a white V-neck, and socks".

There's little description of how Stormy claims it got from Trump lying on that bed to having sex with him:

So, here we go.

It was an out-of-body experience.

I was lying down on the bed with him on top of me, naked. I was just there, my head on the pillow. There was no foreplay and it was one position.

And so on. I shan't relate too much of the rest. Buy the book if you want to read the bizarre details of these two having sex.

"The world is waiting to hear about his penis. I know, I know. [...] I am sorry to report it is not freakishly small. It is smaller than average — below the true average, not the porn average."

There's a lot of this. "He needs to shave his balls, I thought [...] his hair down there was better than what was on his head."

And the bit that probably does need to be related, despite the fact you've heard it before and nobody should have to hear it even once:

His penis is distinctive in a certain way, and I sometimes think that's one of the reasons he initially didn't tweet at me like he does so many women. He knew I could pick his dick out of a lineup. He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool.

I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f***ed by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.

[Just a brief thought, but do you ever get those moments during this Trump presidency where you find yourself thinking about your much more innocent self, two or three years ago, who never thought any of this would be happening? Just imagine going back in time to even October 2016, not very long ago at all really, and saying: One day you'll be reading a live blog of a book by an adult actress who describes in nauseating detail the specifics of Donald Trump's genitalia. And what's more you'll feel that you need to know, because somehow this whole sorry, horny mess could bring down the presidency, and has already led to the conviction of one of his closest allies. Can you imagine?]

That whole sorry affair is over. We come to the end of chapter three. And we launch into chapter four, which begins with Stormy saying that the Apprentice is important, because that would be the bait with which he could keep luring her in.

Stormy claims that Trump kept ringing her about appearing on the Apprentice. But they didn't meet, and she tried to ignore him, she claims.

That meeting was in January 2007, at the launch of Trump Vodka. Little seems to have happened there, but he dangled the Apprentice bait once again.

The stuff with Trump tails off. She goes to his place and watches Shark Week but says she can't have sex with him because she's on her period. He calls later and says that the Apprentice thing isn't going to work because one of the producer's wives is very much not into having a porn star on the show. Everything fizzles out and chapter four comes to an end.