He's a bankrupt, she's a slob: O'Donnell and Trump trade insults

Two American celebrities have revealed the secret of how best to draw attention to themselves when the rest of the country would normally be consumed by Christmas shopping. Go on the airwaves and compete for the cruellest things they can say about each other. Congratulations Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell.

Mr Trump, who in his spare time runs a gambling and property empire, had already scored high on the self-publicity barometer after his theatrical show of munificence on Tuesday, giving the reigning Miss USA a second chance to retain her crown after allegations of under-age drinking and out-of-control partying.

But it was that performance that sent the vituperative juices coursing through Ms O'Donnell, who is co-host of a popular morning television show, The View. She seemed anxious to imply that Mr Trump, owner of the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants, was not the best person to judge the moral standing of others. "Left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America," she began. "Donald, sit and spin, my friend."

The studio audience loved it, so Ms O'Donnell ploughed onwards. "He inherited a lot of money. Wait a minute, and he's been bankrupt so many times where he didn't have to pay... I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake-oil salesmen in Little House on the Prairie." Trump has big hair and Rosie was pulling it out in clumps on live TV.

It wasn't long before he, appearing on a celebrity show later in the day, was returning the favour, clawing at her equally luxuriant locks. "Rosie O'Donnell is disgusting, I mean both inside and out. Take a look at her, she's a slob. She talks like a truck driver."

He too was having too much fun to stop, reminding viewers of the ups-and-downs in Ms O'Donnell's media career. (Of which, they have indeed been a few.) "Her show failed when it was a talk show, she failed on that," he said. "The ratings went very, very low and very bad and she got essentially thrown off television. Her magazine was a total catastrophe, she got sued. I never went bankrupt, but she said I went bankrupt. So probably I'll sue her because it would be fun. I'd like to take some money out of her fat-ass pockets."

So now we wait for the court proceedings, which, of course, would guarantee more tabloid headlines for the both of them.

As for Tara Conner, the not-quite-disgraced Miss USA, she must be watching the spat in wonderment - from the television room of the alcohol rehabilitation centre she was checked into yesterday.