She joined Twin Flames Universe looking for love. Her family says she ‘disappeared’ from their lives
In a new Netflix documentary, family members speak out about their loved ones who joined the online spiritual dating community and severed contact. They tell Clémence Michallon their story
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Your support makes all the difference.Louise Cole and Paula Hardy haven’t spoken to their beloved Stephanie in five years.
Stephanie—Louise’s daughter and Paula’s identical twin sister—joined the Twin Flames Universe, a cult-like online spiritual dating community in 2018.
At first, Louise welcomed her daughter’s seeming interest in religion and God. But, as she explains in a new Netflix documentary, Stephanie “effectively disappeared” from her family’s life, severing contact with them in a letter.
”They told her everything she wanted to hear,” Louise tells The Independent in a joint interview with her daughter Paula. “That’s typically what they do. They woo you to draw you in.”
Escaping Twin Flames, a three-part documentary series coming to Netflix on Wednesday, focuses in part on Paula and Louise’s experiences losing touch with Stephanie, and their attempts to resume contact with her.
Twin Flames Universe revolves around the concept of a “twin flame”—a person with whom someone is meant to be romantically involved. (To those who believe in these concepts, a twin flame is different in theory from a soulmate, though the two are similar in practice.) Participants in Escaping Twin Flames recount finding the group at times of romantic delusionment, such as after difficult breakups or unrequited crushes.
Former Twin Flames members, however, have described group dynamics and actions that go beyond the realm of any dating or relationship coaching business.
Some of them describe being assigned a partner within the group, sometimes all the way up to marriage. Some have claimed they were made to question their sexualities and gender identities.
One participant in Escaping Twin Flames, identified as Elle, alleges that she was pushed to relentlessly pursue someone who was deemed by spiritual leaders to be her twin flame, resulting in that person taking out a restraining order, and Elle being arrested for violating that order.
Twin Flames Universe is structured around Jeff and Shaleia Ayan, a Michigan couple who are held up within the group as an example of a “harmonious union”—a supposedly superior state that can be achieved through their teachings. In order to climb up various ranks, Twin Flames members need to take classes and/or enroll in coaching. Both are available for purchase, as are other materials. (A former member told Vanity Fair she estimates she spent around $10,000 “on classes, coaching, books, products, and more.”)
Billed as a self-help, spiritual community aimed at helping people find love and optimize their relationships, the group came to mainstream attention in October 2020, when a Vanity Fair article looked into its practices. In October of this year, Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe, a documentary based on journalist Alice Hines’s reporting for Vanity Fair, came out on Amazon Prime.
In addition to classes and coaching programs, followers of the Ayans can purchase recipes and cooking classes through a company called Divine Dish. The group also has a religious component called the Church of the Union, through which—according to video calls excerpted in Escaping Twin Flames—Jeff has attempted to style himself as the second coming of Christ.
Louise and Paula say that Stephanie cut off contact with her family in a letter sent without a return address, in which she told them that “it [was] no longer compassionate for us to pretend we live in the same world anymore”, and that she was “choosing complete alignment with God and [releasing] all relationships with people not willing to do the same.”
Paula remembers her twin sister as gifted and “so intelligent”—”She was literally Student of the Year in our graduating class in high school, and we had over 400 students, so it was a really big deal”—who joined the Peace Corps for two years and didn’t quit despite contracting malaria and giardia multiple times.
“When everyone else was falling out because they got sick, she stuck with it, because she knew that she was making an impact,” Paula says, describing her sister as a principled, committed person who stood up for what she believed was right and good.
The allegations levied against Twin Flames Universe not only distort our true aims, methods, and curriculums but also misrepresent the autonomy of our community members
Those qualities, Paula believes, would have made Stephanie vulnerable to the tactics of a high-control group. Those groups, she has learned, do not tend to seek out “stupid” or “lazy” people. Rather, they go after “people who are going to do all the work and can, who can handle the stress and the trauma,” says Paula.
Stephanie does not participate in Escaping Twin Flames. She now lives in Switzerland with her husband, whom she met within Twin Flames Universe, and works as a coach for the group. The Independent contacted Stephanie for comment but didn’t get a response before deadline. In a 2020 email to Vice, she said Twin Flames Universe had taught her “how to have happy, healthy relationships” and that she now felt “the full spectrum of [her] emotions for the first time in [her] entire life.”
The Independent has also contacted Twin Flames Universe for comment. In a general media statement posted on its website, the group says it “[takes] seriously recent allegations implying we wield inappropriate control over our community members”.
“The allegations levied against Twin Flames Universe not only distort our true aims, methods, and curriculums but also misrepresent the autonomy of our community members, who are free to engage with our resources as they see fit,” the statement adds. “We are committed to confronting these allegations in an open and accountable manner.”
Escaping Twin Flames paints a damning picture of Ayan’s actions as one of the heads of Twin Flames Universe. He is seen frequently bragging about his material possessions on video, as well as musing about the financial incentives to get his organization classified as a religion, and contemplating becoming a billionaire.
I’ve always fought for all my kids and stood up for my children when I needed to, and some little cult leader isn’t going to make me stop
Former members explain that Twin Flames Universe revolves in part around the idea of a “masculine” person and a “feminine” one fitting in together, and allege that some were pressured to change their gender presentations and pronouns to fit that model. (Where the documentary explores Twin Flames Universe’s alleged rules about gender, it’s careful not to generalize, and includes a disclaimer acknowledging that “trans people of all ages are leading joyous, full, normal lives, and transition-related care helps make that possible.”)
In June 2023, Jeff, Shaleia, and Twin Flames Universe sued Louise and others for defamation after they spoke to Vice for an investigation into the group. Before the lawsuit was filed, Louise told Vice she’d received a letter from Twin Flames Universe demanding a retraction, but that she “had no thought in [her] head whatsoever about retracting anything.”
The lawsuit was dismissed in March 2021 due to a jurisdiction issue. Louise says the legal battle cost her “almost $30,000”, but she says it hasn’t altered her determination to keep talking about Twin Flames Universe and seeking to reunite with her daughter.
“I’m a mother. I’ve always fought for all my kids and stood up for my children when I needed to, and some little cult leader isn’t going to make me stop” she says. “[Jeff Ayan’s] tricks might work on his followers, but he’s not a mother, and it doesn’t work on me. I will fight harder.”
Escaping Twin Flames airs on Netflix on 8 November in the US and in the UK