What to watch on TV this week: From Call the Midwife to the Hugo Chavez Story

All things considered, I think I ought to start with a warning. I don’t know how near a birth you’ve been lately, but generally they are a messy sort of affair, and the first episode of the new series of Call the Midwife features quite a lot of gynaecological detail that would make unsuitable for viewing immediately before, or after, and certainly not during, supper. I hope I won’t be giving too much of the plot away to observe that the afterbirth count climbs to three, which maybe a little too much afterbirth for many viewers, though no doubt its stalwart fans will be looking for precisely that kind of a natal action movie on Sunday night.

Anyway (with apols to Peter Kay whose puns these are), you can soon re-acquaint yourself with all your nun favourites: Sister Sledge, Sister Matic, Sister Zar Doin-It, Sister Scissors, Sister Swingout and, of course, Sister O’Mercy.

Say your prayers, then, and, as I say, you have been warned about the placental splashback. There’s even a bit where they cut an umbilical cord and it looks like someone’s taking a pair of pliers to a Sweet Chilli Pot Noodle. You might call that some placental advisory guidance, I suppose. Miriam Margolyes, Jenny Agutter and Judy Parfitt pick up some funny habits again.

Enough nun-based jokes?

Thought so. Cold Feet, then. I suppose it says something for the enduring appeal of the show that not only did it enjoy a successful “re-boot” in 2016, but that the reborn series starts its third run on Monday evening, meaning its been going almost as long as the original 1998-2003 series.

There’s a lot of originality there, too. Mike Bullen is still knocking out the scripts and most of the original cast are in more or less the same roles they had during the high noon of New Labour, the Spice Girls and, well, Cold Feet. So, in case you need reminding, that’s James Nesbitt (Adam), Richard Bathurst (David), Hermione Norris (Karen), John Thomson (Pete), Fay Ripley (Jenny) and Jacey Salles (Ramona). As a plot non-spoiler I am able to reveal that the gorgeously shot opening scenes are of an expensive wedding party in some romantic corner of these islands, and you basically have to guess which, if any, of the Cold Feeters is getting spliced. Anyway, it’s as good as ever, and you can take that any way you want.

Of course, the ITV schedules would hardly be recognisable without a series of our Vera (Brenda Blethyn) driving her trademark Land Rover to another corpse, just as the original author of the stories, Ann Cleeves, ordains. Going up against Call the Midwife in this middle-market telly fight to the death, Vera deploys the tactic of attrition, daring its fans to slog their way through a two-hour episode, meaning a second, flanking attack on the BBC’s Les Miserables, which lives up to its name. Olivia Colman, of whom you may have heard of, stars in the six-part adaptation – though it might just be simpler to publish the dramas that she doesn’t appear in, such is her ubiquity (albeit well-deserved). Anyway it’s a bit mis all round on Sunday evening, I’m afraid, and I’d recommend Cities: Nature’s New World instead, where you’ll find alligators playing golf.

The Passage is Fox’s new sci-fi horror series, based on the books of Justin Cronin and the notion that vampires are real and indeed can be manufactured by crazed scientists. Or sane ones, for that matter. Saniyya Sidney plays the young orphan who is a victim turned rebel.

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As a huge fan of Lucy Worsley, may I say how delighted I am to announce that she’s in yet another history documentary series, this time with the alluring title American History’s Biggest Fibs with Lucy Worsley, which probably could do with a comma in there, but I suppose the meaning is clear enough. Myth-busting can be fun, and first off is the so-called Boston Tea Party. Lucy gets dressed up too. It’s what we pay our licence fees for, after all.

Lastly, I’d like to put my worthy hat on. (Fact check: actually I only own a couple of trilbies, never worn because I look ridiculous, as I would in a worthy hat.) BBC2’s Revolution in Ruins: The Hugo Chavez Story is, to my mind, two things. First, a fascinating account of how the oil-rich and potentially prosperous nation of Venezuela was beggared by its “socialist” president Hugo Chavez, who died after he had done most of the damage and whose policies are being pursued even now by misguided successors. In my opinion. Second – and I’m thinking you’ll have seen where I’m heading here – it is, arguably, a warning of what leftist governments can do to any country, including a medium-sized economy in western Europe in political crisis and flirting with a socialist saviour right now. Other versions of history and politics are available.

Call the Midwife (BBC1, Sunday 8pm); Cold Feet (ITV, Monday 9pm); Vera (ITV, Sunday 8pm); Cities: Nature’s New World (BBC2, Sunday 9pm); The Passage (Fox, Tuesday 9pm); American History’s Biggest Fibs with Lucy Worsley (BBC4, Thursday 9pm); Revolution in Ruins: The Hugo Chavez Story (BBC2, Wednesday 9pm)