Can anyone here speak English and tell us what's going on?

So where do you go for the truth about a royal scandal? Buckingham Palace, obviously. Not inside ­ no point asking a footman or a valet ­ but outside the gates where tourists from all over the world gathered yesterday. Surely they would have read foreign press or internet reports spilling the royal beans considered too shocking for sensitive Brits?

What we needed was someone from Italy or France, whose newspapers have led the way. What we found was an Australian. "I heard his butler went into his room with breakfast and he was ___ ________," [our blanks] said Elizabeth Cooper, 25, newly arrived from Melbourne. But she didn't really know, had just heard a rumour from a friend, and was dubious. "Maybe it's just the butler trying to make some money out of it."

Her friend Gina Kurto, 24, was sure it would "be a big issue for everyone back in Australia. It will create a lot of controversy." But she had no real idea either. "You don't know what to think. You hear it and laugh."

"I bet he's in trouble with his mum," added Ms Cooper. "He'll be grounded!"

A van drove past the huddled crowds every hour announcing that "due to unforeseen circumstances" the changing of the guard would not be happening today. Was this anything to do with Charles's situation? Probably not, but it was fun to speculate.

Alena Steflickova, 19, from the Czech Republic had heard something was going on but wasn't sure what. "It's something to do with his marriage, isn't it?" A student taking a gap year in the UK, Ms Steflickova couldn't understand the fuss. "We have a president in the Czech Republic. You think it's a big thing to see the Queen, but I don't think so."

Froukje Boomsma and her mother Lida from the Netherlands were on a weekend break. "I saw a picture in a newspaper when we came here," said Mrs Boomsma, "but I don't know what it is. It wasn't in the Dutch papers. What is it?"

Her daughter had not heard the rumour either. "There are problems with the Dutch royal family, though. One of our princes has a fiancée and there are scandals about her past," she said. "I'm not pro-Royal Family in general. It's just not democratic."

You can always count on Californians for a conspiracy theory, and Ron Bei, 53, obliged. "If Prince Charles is trying to cover something up it will only make it worse," he said. "I hear two or three different things. Something with his mistress or having his wife executed. I reckon it's one of those."

Now this was getting silly. Sue Mooney, 53, from Windsor, thought her neighbour should come clean. "The mind boggles ­ I think it's about _____________. It should be made public ­ they're on the public payroll."

Finally, we found an Italian who thought he knew the full details. Davide Proverbio, 30, from Milan, said: "My friend say that he's ____________ ­ he read it in an Italian newspaper. It's big news there."

Was that it? If so, Mr Proverbio was inclined to say, "So what? It's not a problem, but maybe it is better that English people know. In Italy we haven't a monarchy so we can't understand the problem. We have Berlusconi, though."

Alors! A Frenchman arrived, at last. Time for the full and graphic details. It is, of course, forbidden for us to pass them on ... unless we do it in French, maybe. Do you think? Just between us, then, don't tell anybody. Here is the truth about Prince Charles, given by Patrick Rieger, 44, from Strasbourg in answer to the question: Qu'est-ce que vous pensez des allégations?

"Choquantes! Je n'ai jamais compris pourquoi Diana l'a épousé ­ elle était très belle. En France, on préfère Diana au Prince Charles. Les femmes plus âgées sont les plus intéressées, mais elles sont forcément choquées."

Sorry, just a tease. We really can't do it. You'll just have to go down to the palace and ask.

Additional reporting by Hannah Forbes Black