Bubbles, bongs and Scotch eggs: The wildest political moments of 2020

It has been a very weird 12 months at Westminster. We watched on as Boris Johnson almost died from the disease he was leading the fight against. We saw Rishi Sunak’s star rise and Dominic Cummings fall from grace. And we endured arguments about bubbles, bongs, Scotch eggs and mutant algorithms. It’s time to look back at the strangest moments from the year from hell.

Boris asks Brexit-loving Brits to ‘bung a bob for Big Ben bongs’  

January saw Brexiteers’ dreams fulfilled as Britain made its formal political exit from the EU. With nothing else to focus his pent-up frustration, red-cheeked chancer Mark Francois latched onto the fact Big Ben wouldn’t be chiming to mark the moment (because it was under expensive renovation). Shameless as ever, unable to resist a good bit of alliteration, Boris Johnson blundered in. Latching onto Francois’ pointless crowdfunding campaign, the PM claimed to be working up a No 10 plan “so people can bung a bob for a Big Ben bong”. There was no plan. The Commons authorities made clear it would be too expensive and complicated to halt renovation work for one night of mindless, passionate bonging.

Matt Lucas mocks PM’s mixed messages in perfect parody

There wasn’t much to laugh at during the height of Covid outbreak in March and April. But as the political consensus began to break down over May, one clip summed up the frustration over the mixed messages coming out of No 10. Little Britain star Matt Lucas perfectly captured Boris Johnson’s bumbling prevarication. “Go to work. Don’t go to work. Go outside. Don’t go outside. And then we will or won’t … something or other.” In the year lip-syncing spoofs took off on social media, an honourable mention should go to Janey Godley’s depiction of Nicola Sturgeon into a no-nonsense Glasgow toughie. I guess it works because Sturgeon kind of is a no-nonsense Glasgow toughie.

Dominic Cummings takes lockdown trip to Barnard Castle

Dom is gone now, sadly (*wipes away single tear*). But we’ll always have his No 10 Rose Garden moment. The galaxy-brained genius came under huge pressure to explain why he’d taken a trip to County Durham during lockdown at the end of March and early April. Holding a press conference on the lawn out the back of Downing Street, he revealed he had driven his family to Barnard Castle to “test his eyesight”. Cue surprise, outage and a million jokes about Specsavers. If Cummings thought the nation would be moved by the plight of a father trying to look out for his children, he was wrong. The nation remained unmoved. When Paddy McGuiness puts out a video singing ‘Is this the way to Barnard Castle?’ you know you’ve lost the argument.  

Raab says ‘taking the knee’ comes from Game of Thrones

Don’t you love it when politicians show off their pop cultural knowledge? Dominic Raab spectacularly failed to meet the moment when asked if he would “take the knee” in support of Black Lives Matter. The gesture – started by NFL star Colin Kaepernick – was popularised during a summer of anti-racism protests in the wake of George Floyd’s death. The foreign secretary showed how with it he was when he said the gesture “seems to be taken” from sword-and-dragon drama Game of Thrones. He also said kneeling “feels to me like a symbol of subjugation, subordination, rather than one of liberation”. Raab revealed he didn’t actually mind a spot of subjugation now and again – so long as he was doing the subjugating in front of his “missus” or Her Majesty the Queen.

Mark Francois tells UK army boss Dominic Cummings ‘will sort you out’

The Tory MP for Raleigh and Wickford had a relatively quiet year, by his own combustible standards. But Francois did find something to bring colour to his cheeks in July following a series of stories about the army’s “wasteful” spending. Speaking to Army chief General Sir Nick Carter at a select committee grilling, Francois said: “Please nip back to the department and ask them to sort their bloody selves out. Because if not Cummings is gonna come down and sort you out his own way – and you won’t like it.” The Army chief smiled benignly and looked away. Presumably being talked down to by a former Territorial Army lieutenant wasn’t a career highlight.

MP’s cat interrupts Commons committee meeting  

Poor John Nicolson. The SNP MP was enjoying the sound of his own mellifluous voice at a July digital select committee hearing, trying to make a serious point about online literacy, when he was upstaged by his ginger cat Rocco. “I apologise for my cat’s tail – Rocco, put your tail down!” By the sound of their raucous laughter, fellow MPs enjoyed Rocco’s contribution more than Nicolson’s. It wasn’t the only moggy moment during the year of Zoom. EU trade expert Sally Jones was speaking to a Lords’ sub-committee when her tortoiseshell cat jumped on her lap. Other members of the committee didn’t seem to mind. A serious-looking Lord Cavendish offered: “Welcome, cat.”

Minister caught in sweary rant about colleague on Zoom

Welsh health minister Vaughan Gething had to learn about Zoom’s mute function the hard way – caught out on a sweary rant about one of his colleagues during a Welsh assembly session. “What the f*** is the matter with her?” he said, complaining about Jenny Rathbone’s questions. Some colleagues shouted “microphone!”, a few burst out laughing and others covered their mouth in horror. There were some fine insults – and absolutely no embarrassment – at the local level in 2020. One Dorset town council meeting held on Zoom descended into an angry shouting match, with councillor Karen Tippins screaming at her colleague: “What an idiot. Welch you’re an idiot! Councillor Welch you’re an idiot!”

Rishi Sunak mocked for elaborate personal branding  

Star Wars nerd Rishi Sunak became the Tory party’s new hope in 2020. But not everyone was happy at the chancellor’s self-promotion on social media. The cheesy, soft-focus pictures, swish signature and fashionable font choices were mocked as shameless attempts to push “Brand Rishi”. Things came to a head in November when Sunak replaced ‘Conservatives’ with his own name in the party’s logo on Twitter. Cabinet colleague Jonny Mercer said it was time for the chancellor to become a “team” player. “I’m not a fan of amending the Tory party logo,” the defence minister said. “Rishi is a good lad, but … people will remember what the Conservatives did, not what Rishi Sunak did.”

Morgan and Farage in shouting match about bleach

ITV host Piers Morgan – the man who likes to talk at least 10 times as long as whoever he’s interviewing – actually became the country’s most interesting political agitator during 2020. Before a No 10 boycott of Good Morning Britain, a parade of ministers were brought on to be ranted at and told how utterly incompetent they were. But Morgan’s single best encounter was with Nigel Farage – who ranted back and accused the host of “fake news” as they discussed Donald Trump. The ex-UKIP leader shouted: “You’re talking utter rubbish! He never said bleach. Utter, utter rubbish!” Morgan played the clip of Trump talking about injecting disinfectant, then asked: “Do you know what bleach is, Nigel?”

Ministers can’t decide if a Scotch egg is a substantial meal

How substantial must a substantial meal be to stay within the law? The practical, political and philosophical conundrum over the heftiness of pub grub began when communities secretary Robert Jenrick was asked in October if Cornish pasties counted as the kind of “substantial meal” that would allow pubs be food-serving venues and stay open. Yes – so long as it came with chips or a bit of salad, said Jenrick.

The pub grub conundrum came up again with Scotch eggs in December. Environment secretary George Eustice and health secretary Matt Hancock felt that, yes, a Scotch egg was indeed a substantial meal. Not so Michael Gove. “My own preference when it comes to a substantial meal might be more than a Scotch egg – but that’s because I am a hearty trencherman,” said the minister in charge of Brexit planning. See you all in 2021, if the hearty trencherman can get us through the chaos.