Nigel Farage reveals he found it difficult to talk to niece about ‘taboo’ of baby loss

Nigel Farage has said he found it difficult to speak to his niece after her baby was stillborn, because he was worried he would say “something that was wrong”.

During a Westminster Hall debate, Mr Farage said he had “never discussed” baby loss with his niece, despite being close to her, because he felt “too awkward”.

The Reform UK leader said the subject is often a “taboo” for many families and communities, adding it is “something that is very, very difficult to talk about”.

Following this, Labour MP Sharon Hodgson said “no-one knows what to say to you when you’ve lost a baby”, adding that she believes she made those around her “feel very uncomfortable” after the “traumatic” stillbirth of her daughter Lucy.

On Wednesday, Clacton MP Mr Farage said: “It’s pretty devastating, it doesn’t go away, it doesn’t get forgotten, but there’s another element to this, which is for those people, particularly the women that go through this, are they able to talk about it? Can they share their experiences?

“And a problem shared may not be a problem solved, but it might just make life a little bit more bearable, a little bit easier.

“I must be honest, when my niece had that stillbirth, I didn’t feel I could face her and talk about it. I felt too awkward. Would I say something that was wrong? Was it best we just didn’t discuss the subject? And a decade on, even though I’m close to her, I’ve never discussed it.

“I’ve just felt too awkward to do it, and I suspect that’s the case with many men. I suspect with husbands and partners, it’s just something that isn’t talked about.”

He added: “It’s not an easy thing to do, and I’ve admitted my own failings but I suspect I’m far from alone in finding this subject just incredibly difficult.”

In her contribution, Ms Hodgson spoke about the heartbreak of giving birth to her stillborn daughter who “doesn’t officially exist”.

She said: “The experience of giving birth to a stillborn child is incredibly traumatic, as we’ve heard and I’ve previously spoken about. It feels weird that the world around you is not responding as they would if you had given birth to a live baby.

“And I felt, actually, that I made everyone around me feel very uncomfortable, or anyone I met uncomfortable, and it is one of the last taboos, as (Mr Farage) spoke about in his remarks also.

“No-one knows what to say to you when you’ve lost a baby or given birth to a stillborn baby, it’s everyone’s worst nightmare.”

The Washington and Gateshead South MP added: “Compounding this grief was the fact that Lucy did not receive a birth certificate or a death certificate.

“And, even more upsettingly, that in my records it wasn’t recorded as a stillbirth, it was recorded as a miscarriage, because she was just days away from being 24 weeks, three or four days short of the required legal age to be eligible for a death certificate.

“And so, because of that, she doesn’t officially exist in any official records, other than our own family records.”

DUP MP Jim Shannon broke down during the session as he recounted the story of a constituent in her 80s had asked him to help find the grave of her son who was stillborn 50 years earlier.

Mr Shannon, who represents Strangford, said: “Her son was born sleeping in the early ’70s, so she came to see me over 50 years later to find where the Royal Victoria Hospital had buried her son.

“It meant something to her, even though it was 50 years later … standing in my office, that wee small woman telling me her story, which is breaking her heart.”

Elsewhere in the debate, Labour MP Olivia Blake described the three-miscarriage rule as “cruel” adding that it lays bare the sexism in our medical system.

The MP for Sheffield Hallam said ending the rule, which requires women to go through three miscarriages before tests are undertaken to find out why the pregnancies could not continue, should be rolled out “successfully” across the UK.

She added: “I’m hoping that this Government will take seriously that change in model of care, which is not only backed up by research, (but) that three number was picked out of mid-air, by all accounts.

“There is no reason someone should have to wait to have three miscarriages before they get basic tests for diabetes, or for other reasons, to understand why they may have miscarried.

“It is cruel. You wouldn’t expect anyone to have three heart attacks before you did a basic test.

“It is laying bare the kind of sexism, I suppose, in our medical system that we would want to allow people to go through that so many times, with so much loss and so much trauma, before we would give them the answers that they need to perhaps go on to have successful pregnancies.”

Ms Blake also argued that collection of data on miscarriages needs to improve to “understand the true picture”.

Health minister Karin Smyth said: “(Baby loss) is something that stays with families for decades, and sharing those experiences today is very brave of honourable members, and I think that gives voice to how important this is, because every baby’s death is tragic.

“It’s all the more devastating when parents are told that it could have been prevented.

“As we’ve heard, report after report has told us that this remains a serious issue in our health service, and that’s backed up by the data.

“This Government’s position is that any preventable death is unacceptable, and we are committed to making sure that all baby deaths that can be prevented will be prevented.”