Crisis at Worcestershire Council as cardboard cut-out of Ed Miliband is kidnapped

There are some who think Ed Miliband is wooden enough, but now a row has broken out over an actual cardboard cut-out of the Labour leader after it was apparently abducted from a secure room at Worcestershire County Council.

The life-sized piece of cardboard went missing from Labour quarters in Worcester's County in two weeks ago, and hasn't been seen since. Councillor Peter McDonald, who had initially treated the disappearance as a joke, is now spitting feathers - and is threatening to get the police involved unless the model is returned.

Councillor McDonald told Worcester News that he subsequently discovered that the Miliband facsimile had been spirited away because some people at County Hall had found it "offensive".

In a private meeting, the Council's legal chief Simon Mallinson admitted that staff had shanghaied the cut-out and would only return it if it was removed from council premises in January.

He said: “It sounds childish but I couldn’t believe it, I found myself negotiating over a cardboard cut-out. I've got British blood in my veins and I'm not prepared to negotiate with hostage takers.

"Nobody has a right to tell us what we can and can't have in our own room, we aren't breaking any laws by having a life-sized Ed Miliband in there."

A full investigation has now been launched by the council into the absent effigy. In a statement, Worcestershire County Council said: “We are aware that a life-sized picture has gone missing out of the Labour room within County Hall.

“Staff and elected members are working closely to ensure that it is returned and this situation is concluded.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband, meanwhile, is believed to be at home with his family for Christmas, and is by most accounts still made of flesh.