The abuse didn’t end when I escaped - My ex reported me for paedophilia and tried to ruin my life
It was her abuser’s campaign of abuse after she finally managed to escape that made her feel like it was impossible to move on with her life, Ivana Ivancakova tells Maya Oppenheim
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Your support makes all the difference.Ivana Ivancakova’s abusive partner repeatedly told her he would ruin her life if she left him – and he kept true to his promise, relentlessly harassing her after she finally managed to escape.
The 40-year-old told how her now ex-partner tried to track her down, accusing her of being a paedophile on Instagram and reporting her to the police for the fabricated crime.
Speaking to The Independent, she said the abuse began five years into their relationship when she got pregnant.
Ms Ivancakova, from London, described the psychological, physical, and financial abuse he unleashed – controlling what she wore, who she saw, and how much she worked.
But it was his campaign of abuse after she finally managed to escape that made her feel like it was impossible to move on with her life.
Ms Ivancakova’s story comes as The Independent continues its Brick by Brick campaign in partnership with the leading charity Refuge to raise £300,000 to build a safe house for survivors of domestic abuse. More than £520,000 in donations has poured in so far, and plans are already underway for a second home.
“When I got pregnant things started changing a lot,” Ms Ivancakova recalled. “There was verbal abuse. He was controlling how much I could work, calling me names, controlling what clothes I wore, and accusing me of sleeping with men.”
Ms Ivancakova, who was working as a stylist at the time, explained her partner grew aggressive and started hitting her – with violent incidents initially happening every three months but then increasing to once a month.
Once I tried to call the police and he took my phone and completely smashed it up against the wall, that phone was everything to me,” she added. “He also put the phone in the sink and poured water on it.
“He would be in the living room watching YouTube,” she recounted. “He would wake me up and start beating me calling me a paedophile while the baby was sleeping in the cot and in a few hours I would have to wake up and go to work like nothing happened.”
She said he would fabricate claims that everybody she knew was involved in paedophilia and tried to stop her from going to Slovakia to visit her family – claiming they were also child abusers.
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“He was burning sage in the house when I came back from work,” Ms Ivancakova said. “I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t go inside the house as there was so much sage there. My eyes were so red. He said ‘It hurts you because you are Satan’.”
He would burn sage near their daughter when she was crying, she added. On top of this, she recalled how he would question her when she closed the bathroom door to bathe their three-year-old, as well as accusing her of paedophilia when she comforted her daughter when she cried.
“He would say ‘you can go, I’m not holding you, but if you ever go I will destroy your life, you won’t see your daughter,” she said. “He would say people like you don’t walk around on the street alive. Once he put the iron so close to my face, I was worried he was going to burn me. I could feel the heat on my face”.
He would say ‘you can go, I’m not holding you, but if you ever go I will destroy your life, you won’t see your daughter.
She recalled how he would routinely film her when she defended herself from his abuse, as well as remembering the time she got an ear infection after he bit her cheek.
“Once I tried to call the police and he took my phone and completely smashed it up against the wall,” she added. “That phone was everything to me. He also put the phone in the sink and poured water on it.”
It was after an incident where he kicked her and tried to abduct her daughter that she finally decided to escape his abuse, she said.
“He tied my hands together with a belt, I rescued myself from that,” she added. “I ran off because I realised this was never going to change and I realised I couldn’t do it anymore. I had reached my limit.”
Her ex was imprisoned for coercive controlling behaviour and actual bodily harm and was given a restraining order.
Ms Ivancakova, who has written a book about her experiences called No Air, explained how her ex tried to track her down after she left him, as well as reporting her to the police for paedophilia. Fortunately, they did not pursue the false allegations, she added.
“When he came out from prison, he created Instagram accounts under fake names and was accusing me of being a paedophile in posts and tagging me. It was during lockdown, he was constantly doing this. He didn’t stop.”
She reported his post-separation abuse to Instagram and to the police – saying he had breached her restraining order against him but it was only when social services stepped in that he stopped harassing her.
“The police and Instagram did nothing,” she recalled. “The police suggested I change my name and go off social media - I said not over my dead body. I said ‘You’re still covering for him and letting him control me’.”
But the Met Police told The Independent she had been advised to change her user name rather than her actual name and also told to make her account private.
“Officers spoke to the woman and assessed all of the available evidence to try and establish who had made the posts,” a spokesperson for the force said. “After all of the evidence was assessed, the woman was informed that there was not enough information to establish who had made the posts.”
Ms Ivancakova credits leading domestic abuse charity Refuge with massively supporting her - adding that her life is now unrecognisable.
“I can have a friend, I can go out, my daughter can have friends,” she said. “We can have coffee with people, we can have a normal life. I’m not saying it is easy and stress-free but it is a life. If you are reading this and you are experiencing abuse, please know there is help out there and you are not alone.”
Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and charity Refuge, to help raise another £300,000 to build a second safe space for women where they can escape domestic abuse, rebuild their lives and make a new future. Text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15.
The national domestic abuse helpline offers support for women on 0808 2000 247, or you can visit the Refuge website. There is a dedicated men’s advice line on 0808 8010 327