How domestic abusers gradually make victims normalise their appalling behaviour
‘There is emotional coercion that goes alongside more physical and violent coercion,’ a Labour MP warned
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Your support makes all the difference.Domestic abusers often ramp up their mistreatment of partners gradually, leading victims to normalise the behaviour, a minister has warned.
Miatta Fahnbulleh, Minister for Energy Consumers, has called for a zero-tolerance approach to domestic abuse, urging people to intervene to protect women trapped in abusive relationships.
Speaking to The Independent, the Labour MP for Peckham shared the experience of a friend who had been in an abusive relationship but was eventually able to break free.
“You see how it starts small,” Ms Fahnbulleh said. “It gets normalised. There is emotional coercion that goes alongside increasingly more physical and violent coercion. Breaking that cycle — and that particular person managed to — but lots of women don’t.”
Ms Fahnbulleh, a former chief executive of the New Economics Foundation, stressed the prevalence of domestic abuse, noting: “Everyone will know someone who has been through it.”
She added: “I hope that demystifies or debunks, certainly amongst women, that this is something that is the purview of a particular part of society.
“It's far too pervasive, which is the thing I think we absolutely need to change. There can be no tolerance for it and that requires things that you can do through legislation, things that you can do through protection.
“But there also just needs to be a zero-tolerance attitude in society and a willingness to call it out, step in, support, and protect when you know women are in that position,” Ms Fahnbulleh said.
The minister voiced her support for The Independent’s Brick by Brick campaign, launched in partnership with Refuge in September to raise funds for building two homes for women and children escaping abusive partners. The campaign has surpassed its initial £300,000 target thanks to generous reader donations, amassing over £520,000 to date. Plans for a second home are already underway.
We have got a massive issue with housing and the ability to get into refuges and then temporary accommodation.
“This issue is very easy for governments to sweep under the table, and one of the things I’m proudest of this government for is that we’ve made it a central project,” Ms Fahnbulleh said. “We’ve simply made it core to our missions, core to our agenda.”
The minister highlighted the heartbreaking stories shared by her female constituents, many of whom are trying to escape abusive situations but face significant barriers in accessing safe housing.
“We have a massive issue with housing and the ability to get into refuges and then into temporary accommodation,” she said. “That trade-off — between escaping a situation that’s bad for your kids or pushing them into precarity, bouncing around the system until you find stable accommodation — is one no woman should have to make.”
She emphasised the need to eliminate this impossible choice, stating, “We really need to turn that around.”
Her comments come amid growing concern about the chronic shortage of refuge spaces, with The Independent recently reporting that more than half of domestic abuse survivors face homelessness after being turned away.
Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and charity Refuge, to help raise another £300,000 to build a second safe space for women where they can escape domestic abuse, rebuild their lives and make a new future. Text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15
The national domestic abuse helpline offers support for women on 0808 2000 247, or you can visit the Refuge website. There is a dedicated men’s advice line on 0808 8010 327