How to seek help when you need to escape a violent home

Statistics show that one in four women in England and Wales will experience domestic abuse in their lifetimes. Everyone has the right to expect to feel safe at home with their partners – but for too many, this is not the case.

It’s important to remember those experiencing abuse are not alone. Through Refuge and hundreds of other domestic abuse charities, help can be found for both long-term and short-term needs.

That’s why The Independent is partnering with Refuge to raise £300,000 and help build a home for women escaping abusive partners. Called Brick by Brick, the campaign aims to get them safety and freedom. Refuge has long supported domestic abuse survivors in helping them rebuild their lives, assisting thousands of people a year.

Be a brick, buy a brick and donate here or text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15

All women should be free from domestic abuse, and it is vital that the help is there when it is needed. If you are living in an abusive or violent household and want to leave, Refuge offers crucial guidance for all women who want to escape these conditions. Here is an overview of their advice.

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The first step Refuge recommends is telling a trusted person that you might be at risk from your partner. This could be a friend or neighbour, and ideally will be someone who lives close by.

Arranging a secret code with them – like calling and hanging up or a certain text message – can be a good way to let them know you need help. This is especially effective if you are worried about your devices being monitored.

There are many local charities that offer support to women struggling with domestic abuse. These will be able to provide you with ongoing support without your partner finding out if needed. Many will also not require you to make appointments.

You can either look up the services available in your area online, or call Refuge’s helpline to ask for a referral in your area.

You can find out your legal and housing rights by talking to a solicitor. There may be civil and criminal options available to you which include restraining orders and “injunctions such as non-molestation and occupation orders, which can ban an abuser from your home”, says Refuge.

It’s also worth keeping a record of your partner’s behaviour to form evidence. This includes making notes of abusive incidents, including times and dates. It’s recommended you save all abusive messages, too.

In emergency situations, it is always advised to call 999 if you feel you or your children are in danger. For non-emergencies, you can call 101 to report a previous incident or get advice from the local domestic abuse team.

Refuge’s team says it is important to access specialist support if you are planning to leave. It says you should try and ensure your partner will not find out your intention, as this will often lead to abusive behaviour becoming worse and more coercive.

“You can call the helpline in confidence, 24 hours a day, on 0808 2000 247. We won’t tell you what to do, but we can support you to understand your options and make a plan,” the charity says.

You may want to make a plan to leave, such as picking a time when your partner is away. It can also be a good idea to pack an emergency bag containing essentials like money, important documents, keys, clothes, and a phone charger.

You’ll also want to arrange a place to stay. This might be the home of a trusted friend or neighbour, but it’s best if your abuser doesn’t know the location. The charity may also help you find a refuge, a safe house for people who need to escape domestic violence if you have nowhere else to go.

Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and charity Refuge, to help raise £300,000 to build a safe space for women where they can escape domestic abuse, rebuild their lives and make a new future.