Royal Baby: When is the due date, what will it be called, and why do we even care?

If you haven’t already booked a ticket out of the UK for the remainder of the month (steer clear of the US also – they are royal mad), now’s the time to purchase that last-minute ticket out of there.

Because royal baby number two is about to arrive.

Here's what you probably don't need to know about the newest offspring of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Where is it being born?

In exactly the same place as the first royal baby, Prince George, was: the private Lindo Wing of St Mary's hospital in London.

When is it due?

Imminently. The official due date being touted is Saturday 25 April, but tell-tale parking signs currently marking out ones royal space in front of the Lindo Wing say we could be set to wait right up until 30 April.

How much will it cost?

The subject of exactly how much the new arrival will cost the taxpayer overall is a complex one, as funding of a young royal comes from several places, including the earnings of the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall – their new grandparents. The cost of the birthing suite at St Mary’s, should it be deemed a “normal”delivery will be £5,913 with Kate’s 10 per cent discount (a loyalty bonus for having her second baby on the same wing she delivered Prince George). The consultant will cost £6,000.

Why it matters if it’s a girl?

Should the royal baby be a girl, she could well be set to make the British economy its money back and then some. Marketing experts predict a profit boom of £80million from sales of merchandise and tourism.

Why is it called the spare heir?

Because he or she will be second in line to the throne, and therefore largely free of the responsibility of ever having to be a monarch one day. In other words, they'll get to party like Prince Harry.

Where will it sit in the lineage?

The second royal baby will be fourth in line to the throne, pushing Prince Harry into fifth position. Prince George is currently third.

What is it most likely to be called?

If the baby is a boy, the odds on it being called Arthur are 12/1, James 20/1, Alexander 25/1, Philip 14/1 and Henry at 20/1. Top of the girls names are Alice at 6/4, Charlotte at 9/2, Elizabeth at 9/2, and Diana at 20/1.

Luckily for Kate, Theresa May will not be in the birthing suite because…

It was tradition that the home secretary made themselves present at any royal birth to make sure that the infant wasn’t swapped at any point for one not of royal origin. Thankfully, the Duchess won’t have the grimace of May beaming down on her labour-worn face: the rule was abolished in 1936.

Who will be the first to learn of the baby’s arrival?

Other than those in the room, it will be the child’s great grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II.

Does this affect our lives in any way, shape or form whatsoever?

In a word: no. Unless you run a royal memorabilia shop. In which case, you're quids in for a windfall summer.