How we met: Stuart A Staples & Claire Denis

Claire Denis, 61, is an award-winning French film director. Her feature films include Nénette et Boni, for which she won the Golden Leopard at the Locarno Film Festival, Beau Travail and Trouble Everyday. She lives in Paris

I met Stuart backstage at Le Bataclan, a venue in Paris, where he was performing with Tindersticks in 1995. I'd just finished the script for my film Nénette et Boni, and while I was writing it I had been listening to the band's first two albums over and over. I was completely immersed in them.

I wanted to use one of their songs for the film, but I was shy, so I approached their manager and asked if he would give them the script. He took me backstage, where they were drinking, and I had been so impressed by the concert that I was in a blur; the script was shaking in my hand. Stuart seemed intrigued by the idea and suggested that instead of just giving me the song, they could get more involved, so I invited them to Marseille where I was shooting.

My English isn't so good, so I'm sure they didn't understand everything I said and I didn't always understand them, but there was a trust. It was clear their music meant a lot to me, but I was wondering, "What do I mean to them?" I was always surprised by how concerned they seemed with the film. I almost felt guilty, thinking, "Oh my God, I am taking up all their time!"

Stuart and I were quite shy with each other for a while. If you see us together, we look like a chicken next to a tree. We have nothing in common, not the same education, nothing. But we have always been able to communicate. It was when he wrote the main song for Trouble Everyday that I really felt the connection between what he expresses with the beauty of the music and his lyrics, the strange mixture of violence and tenderness, and what I feel.

Stuart has become part of my films; he is in them. He is not just interested in making music for a film, he is interested in meaning, and that is important because music can't be a last-minute addition – you need the feeling of it while you're editing.

He comes into the editing room and guesses things that have not even been clarified for me yet. When I was making [my new film] 35 Shots I said to him, "You know, I don't think this film needs a score, because the noise of the train tracks that recurs throughout the film is enough." Then when he sent me the first piece, I thought, "But of course." It had to stay.

When Beau Travail screened in London [in 1999], I invited Stuart and his wife, and after that I stopped going to hotels and would stay with them. They have since moved to France and I have seen the birth of their boys. To say I know him well... I'm not sure, "knowing" is a hard word. But we are always trying to know each other.

Stuart A Staples, 43, is the lead singer with British indie-lounge band Tindersticks, whose albums include Curtains and The Hungry Saw. He lives in Limousin in south-west France

Claire and I have argued about where we first met – she says it was at Le Bataclan and I think it was at La Cigale. I have to hold my hands up and say she is right, because in those days if it was before, during or after a concert I was probably drunk.

I didn't know her films at that point but when I first met David, the piano player in the band, his background was in film soundtracks. That was his passion, so when somebody said to us, "Do you want to score my film?" it felt right.

We got hold of Claire's first feature film, Chocolat, and felt there was something in it. The relationship started there. I never expected it to be such a long and enriching one, though it hasn't necessarily been easy. I think we have similarities in our approach to our work but maybe not beyond that. She talks about herself as a clever cat and I think of myself more as a stupid dog.

When we made the music for Nénette et Boni, we made it like a band watching a film and then decorating it, giving it texture. A few years later, on the next film we worked on, I said to Claire, "I've realised I don't really know how to make music for films," and she said, "That's all right, I don't know how to make films." I think that has been the basis of our work together – fundamentally we don't know what we are doing, but we do know what we hear, what we see and what we feel, and we take it from there.

Claire is always looking for a reaction to what she is making – she gives people she works with the freedom to appraise what she is doing. It's like the way I make music: if you give people a box to work in, you get that back and it won't change either of you.

Claire has a certain kind of shyness that I understand – I was driven by making music, not being on a stage – and I think that might be why she tends to work with people she knows again and again. In certain circles she is regarded as ferocious – not aggressive, but she knows what she is grasping for. You have to have that if you are creating something.

Working on her latest film was sheer joy. Claire often gets into complications in her mind and battles with people, but on this film everything was right. It flowed, to the extent that we were thinking, "Is this good? Because it's not painful." We are getting to a point now where the whole thing is starting to feel strong and the more time goes on, the more I think I am lucky to have found this relationship.

'35 Shots of Rum' ((12A)) is in cinemas now