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Your support makes all the difference.* Sir Cliff Richard, the squeaky-clean Peter Pan of pop, looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
How refreshing, then, to discover that (when provoked) he's capable of swearing like a navvy with a stubbed toe.
In an episode of Channel 4's new series of The F-Word, I can reveal that Sir Cliff will shock his loyal middle-of-the-road fans by turning to the camera, and shouting the phrase: "fuck off!"
The incident, which recalls Kenneth Tynan's historic utterance of a similar obscenity, came when Gordon Ramsay visited Sir Cliff's personal vineyard in Portugal.
"The more time we spent together, the more I realised he knew fuck all about wine," Ramsay tells me.
"I got him to try a £400 bottle, and he said it tasted cheap. Then I got him to try a different one, and he said it was acidic and rough, and he would never buy it. So I said to him: 'Cliff, it's your fucking wine'."
"He obviously didn't like to hear that, so he turned around and told me, to my face, that I could 'fuck off'."
Last night, Channel 4 confirmed that Sir Cliff's potty-mouthed comment will be televised in full. "This series is going out after the watershed so it won't even be bleeped out," said a spokesman.
Meanwhile, the pop star's agent, Bill Latham, expressed his utter horror: "I mean, Cliff, can you imagine?"
* Zandra Rhodes is poised to blow her unique brand of fresh air through the (occasionally) musty world of opera.
The veteran designer who created some of the most flamboyant outfits in catwalk history, has been asked to make costumes for an English National Opera production of Aida.
Although the project is in its infancy, she recently met with the ENO's creative director, John Berry, and Anthony Freud, of the Houston Grand Opera.
"It will be a joint project between both of them," Rhodes said, at a gala for River Island Graduate Fashion Week.
"I'll design in my normal style; I think that singers come in both big and small sizes these days."
The Coliseum may not know what hit it, but Rhodes follows distinguished footsteps: Jasper Conran and Giorgio Armani have also offered services to opera in recent years.
* It worked for George W Bush. Now Peter Stringfellow is using his middle initial in an apparent re-branding exercise.
Adverts for the new Soho branch of Stringy's nocturnal business empire announce the proprietor as "Peter J Stringfellow".
With this in mind, close friends reckon the self-styled "king of clubs" has decided to change his name - at the age of 65 - in the manner of a Transatlantic rap artiste.
"Actually, I've always signed my signature that way, but the press still call me plain Peter Stringfellow," says the man himself.
"That's fine, so long as they don't call me Pete, which I can't stand. The 'J' stands for James, a family name."
* Like many an alpha male, David Cameron is visiting Liverpool in pursuit of willing females.
The Tory leader's optimistically-titled "women2win" campaign will launch its recruitment campaign at a Scouse branch of the "very funky" restaurant chain EstEstEst later this month.
"We are shedding the old image, and showing the new face of Cameron's Conservatives," claims a (spam) e-mail invitation.
"Theresa May MP, Shadow Leader of the Commons and wearer of gorgeous shoes, will be there. So come along, enjoy a glass of wine, meet people and find out how Women2Win can help you."
As if to flick a V-sign at the Tory right, the invite adds: "Anyone can attend - you don't even have to be a member of the Conservative Party."
* When Ken Livingstone isn't dropping clangers, his job affords unrivalled opportunities to pick up prezzies.
The Conservatives have got their hands on a list of gifts and hospitality "red" Ken accepted during the last eight months. It includes countless posh lunches, dinners, items of jewellery, bottles of wine and cognac, books, ornaments, and theatre tickets.
For the home, Livingstone accepted a bone china tea service (from the Bangladeshi government), a Waterford vase (from the Irish Post), a crystal horse (Mayor of Shanghai) and a Turkish coffee machine.
A Harrods hamper was donated by Gulam Noon, two boxes of dates came from the Algerian ambassador, and someone else offered 12 boxes of vitamins. Oh, and Time Warner gave Ken The Wizard of Oz on DVD.
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