Parliament Sketch: Secretary of State for stating the blindingly obvious

"WE DEPLORE the recent infringements of longstanding agreements between the planet of Naboo and the Trade Federation," said Robin Cook, his manner appropriately grave.

"I enjoyed a successful one-to-one meeting with Queen Amidala at the recent Heads of Government meeting on Tattoine and it became clear that much common ground now exists between our two planets. We remain grateful for the good offices of Naboo in helping us to get the universal beef ban lifted.

"Naturally, I share the Honourable Member's anxiety at the possibility that the predominantly amphibian community of Gun-guns will be drawn into the violence, leading to further disruption in the region, but I do welcome reports that two representatives from the Jedi Institute for Conflict Resolution are already on their way to the area. I can assure the House that I will be summoning Trade Federation representatives for urgent talks on this serious breach of intergalactic trade protocols."

Didn't happen, naturally, but would we have noticed if it had? There's something of an other-worldly detachment to Foreign and Commonwealth Questions since the end of the war in Kosovo. Back then, Mr Cook could legitimately present himself to the House as a man with his finger on the buttons. The idea that MPs should solicit his opinions on a conflict far far away made perfect sense.

But now we are back to business as usual - in which the shade of Palmerston sits in the gallery, smiling wryly at the remnants of imperial sway, as poignantly threadbare as the regimental battle standards hanging from a chapel ceiling.

Mr Cook is asked about conflicts in many parts of the world - in Kashmir, in Kurdistan, in East Timor and in Israel - and he replies with the solemn measure of a man whose words might actually make a difference. Of course, there are occasions in which the British Government might be said to have a very direct responsibility for the subject of the question, such as when Anne Clwyd asked for a comment on a report that Hawk aircraft had been spotted over the city of Dili - in defiance of a government restriction on their use there.

The answers to such questions are usually brusque and businesslike. MPs were assured that Mr Cook had already written to the Indonesian government reminding them that in no circumstance should UK military equipment be deployed in East Timor. (PS And if you really can't manage that, for God's sake try not to buzz Western journalists.)

But mostly Mr Cook is being asked for pious expressions about foreign unpleasantness and can express himself at more leisure. The subject matter is rarely quite as obvious as it was with Andrew Dinsmore's request for a "statement on anti-Semitism in Russia". "Evil and stupid, should be discouraged," would have done it, but the moment demands a response that suggests that the FCO might actually have some influence. We were told that the Government "continued to be concerned" - a nice implication that the Foreign Office's vigilance long preceded the question and would continue, unblinking.

Mr Cook has a certain house-masterish tone to him that is appropriate for such moments. It isn't difficult to imagine him summoning Pakistan and India to his study to give them a telling off, and then confiscating Kashmir until the end of term. But his hour at the dispatch box ended with useful reminder of the limits of solemnity.

Robin Corbett asked him when he next planned to consult EU partners on further approaches to resolve the Cyprus problem. No great hurry about the answer, I would think, since 25 years of previous "approaches" have made not the slightest impact. He might as well answer questions about Naboo.