Sport on TV: Thankfully it wasn't a case of 'Daly, where's your troosers?'

The first day of the 139th Open was a record-breaking one. There had never been so many commentators in one place uttering the words "That's the way to do it". It was as if they had stuck a microphone in a cage full of parrots. Why this reaction to all the pretty birdies? OK, so the players were making it look so easy. But it seemed that all the pundits on Golf: The Open (BBC2, Thursday) were drawn to John Daly's clothes, as close to the plumage of a tropical bird as you'll see in Scotland. Call it parrot fashion.

The big American has shed seven stones with the help of a gastric band, and it was a shame that no one had kitted him out with a garish kilt to show off his slender new legs. He was out on the course so early that in the old days he would probably have stayed up all night. He said he had his "lucky pants" on – that's trousers, not Y-fronts – and presumably they are lucky because they didn't have to encompass his former girth.

"I feel healthy," said Daly. "I haven't had any problems with my ribs or my hip or my shoulder." In years gone by, those ribs and other choice cuts would have been calling him from the clubhouse canteen and distracting him terribly. So he still smokes too much, but at least he can use the supermodel excuse that it helps to keep his weight down.

The play was suspended on the second day due to high winds. Presumably this was because of the real and present danger that all that excess trouser material might flap so violently that it would strangle a passing caddie.

Bizarrely, it looked like the finest weather Scotland had experienced since the days of Robert Sunburns. Ian Poulter's gelled hair did not move but that's no barometer. Suddenly it wasn't such a good idea to give Daly a kilt, or else a gust of wind might have left things too far out in the Open. Maybe that's where the wind was coming from in the first place.

* They think it's all over... England's golden generation dead and buried in South Africa; Friday Night With Jonathan Ross coming to an end after almost a decade at the Beeb; and his final guest, David Beckham, greeted with the words "It's easy to forget what a great talent he was". Ross will follow Adrian Chiles and Beckham's mate James Corden to the slow death that is ITV. But what martyrdom awaits Saint David?

Now he's rallying the troops in Afghanistan – another doomed campaign coming to an end. They told him "we feel as if we're forgotten out here"; coincidentally he had excused England's dismal display at the World Cup by saying that the players felt too much pressure because "we're number one in the world for building it up".

He's also trying to build the Taj Mahal out of Lego, but can't finish it. It's a good job "global brands" like Beckham weren't in charge when the English really did rule the world.