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Forget running up and down the garden double-fisted with watering cans to beat the blessed hosepipe ban – how many other dutiful sons and daughters will be spending the first morning of the Easter holiday lying on the living room floor, swearing at the menu folders of a Panasonic, Samsung or Sony as you try, but inevitably fail helplessly, to understand the world's most complicated set of instructions ever: how to retune a telly for the digital switchover?
Did anyone over at Digital UK actually try out their instructions on their own nearest and dearest before inflicting them on a deeply suspecting public? As ever, in a situation like this, I do not like to generalise, but the average OAP (and their 40-something son) will be left bemused by a bewildering combination of mail, print and online advice – not least the Byzantine section titled "Am I eligible for extra help?" which is supposedly aimed at those 75 and over. You know that conspiracy theory about how public bodies deliberately obfuscate in order to better preserve the "mystique" of their own jobs? Well, I am not so sure it is a conspiracy theory.
Hopefully, with the aid of two trusty tech-literate teens, normal TV service will be restored ASAP and the traditional Easter treats saved – though perhaps not in time for Nicholas Ray's 1961 epic King of Kings (Channel 4, 9.40am).
I don't know about you, but I am ready for a little tradition and family ritual. Go on, make a loved one happy: go buy an egg or two, toast a hot-cross bun, and bake a home-made lasagne (oops, sorry, that's a bit of a personal plea!). But do remember that it's a religious festival, so keep the cursing at the TV silent. See you tomorrow.
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