Education Quandary
'Our teenage son, who has been doing poorly at school, made a New Year's resolution to work harder, but he doesn't seem to have a clue how to concentrate or organise himself. What can we do?'
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Your support makes all the difference.HILARY'S ADVICE
HILARY'S ADVICE
At least he wants to do it. Many parents of teenage sons would kill to get this far. Seize the moment by helping him think about what he actually means by "working harder". Does he want to focus better in class? Turn in more homework on time? Or make a greater effort to get to grips with the work he is covering? Are there specific subjects he wants concentrate on? Or particular problems he needs to tackle?
Then help him to consider strategies. Could he ask any of his teachers for extra help? Sit apart from disruptive friends in lessons? Learn how to plan essays? Do his homework before supper, instead of after?
Help him set some challenging, but realistic goals - "This week I'm going to turn in all my homework on time, and do three 10-minute sessions of catch-up maths revision on the internet" - and encourage him to think ahead about the things that might ambush his plans - his mates, the television - and how he could deal with them.
Ask him if you can help him get started on homework by turning off the television, or chivvying him to his desk. Or by setting a kitchen timer, or sending him a text message, so he knows when it is time to start work. Encourage him to plan out his work, and suggest he removes distractions such as music and phones. Get him to reward himself for every half hour's good concentration with a 10-minute break, and to give himself something to look forward to when he's finished. Talk to him about how he learns, and about which ways of taking notes, planning projects, and revising for exams seem to work best for him. Show him that you have every faith in him, and encourage him to notice how much better he feels about life in general as his work comes under control.
Everyone needs to learn how to think, plan, and study. These skills don't come naturally, yet without them all other learning is piecemeal and erratic. Good schools teach them - both explicitly and implicitly - but if that's not the case with his, there are plenty of books and websites that give the basics. Parents who help their children acquire these skills will be giving them a gift for life.
READERS' ADVICE
Our son was exactly like this. He forgot his books, never knew what homework he was supposed to be doing, and his school reports made it clear that he often messed about in class. We tried everything - nagging him, encouraging him, grounding him - but he didn't seem mature enough to respond. In despair, we went for old-fashioned bribery and promised him £5 for every A grade he got at GCSE. To our surprise, it actually worked. He did much better than the school expected, and now, in the sixth form, he has finally grown up enough to work for himself.
Megan Lomis, Hampshire
Most boys of this age could not organise themselves if their lives depended on it. Go through his homework tasks with him every night, and get him to list what he has to do. Tell him to start with the hardest things, and work through to the easier ones, so that the worst is out of the way before he starts flagging. If there is something he particularly enjoys, such as working at the computer, get him to save that until last. Keep an eye on what he is doing, even if he tells you to go away, and always prod him back to the task in hand if his attention starts to wander.
Pat Mcgilk, Bromley
Explain to him that concentration is a skill that has to be learnt like any other, and that he needs to practise it. Tell him that if he concentrates properly he will not only do his work better, but also much more quickly. Get him to set homework routines, so that he always does his work at the same time, and in the same place, and breaks it up into small pieces, so that it doesn't seem so overwhelming. If necessary, sit with him and do some of your own work, to help set the right atmosphere and lead by example.
Jo Williamson, York
NEXT QUANDARY
My son has been given a project to complete. All the children in his class seem to be typing it out on their computer, but our child is not a fast typist and we feel that it would help his handwriting if he completed it by hand. Will he be disadvantaged if he does this? I bet teachers are influenced by nice pages full of pretty fonts - no matter what they say.
Send your letters or quandaries to Hilary Wilce, to reach her by next Monday, 19 January, at The Independent, Education Desk, Second Floor, Independent House, 191 Marsh Wall, London E14 9RS; or fax 020-7005 2143; or send e-mails to h.wilce@btinternet.com. Please include details of your postal address. Readers whose letters are printed will receive a Berol Combi Pack containing a cartridge pen, handwriting pen and ink eraser
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