Rogue Trader: The week's all-American Archies

ARCHIE MANNING: legendary New Orleans Saints quarterback, inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame and hailed as "an ambassador of goodwill and a moulder of men". Bought his underpants at Wal-Mart.

ARCHIE BUNKER: repulsive, moronic, loud-mouth, right-wing dinosaur TV character. Bought his beer gut at Wal-Mart.

ARCHIE: dithering, juvenile, all-American high-school kid. Ideal recruit for McKinsey and Co. Bought his bow-tie at Wal-Mart. Best friend is a wacky, baseball-cap-wearing junk-food-muncher called Jughead

ARCHIE NORMAN: McKinsey-trained sometime head of Asda and brains behind the Conservative Party. Last week had his company bought by Wal-Mart. Best friend is a wacky, baseball-cap-wearing junk-food-muncher called William Hague.