People & Business: Our father, who art in Microsoft

TO THE QE II Centre in Westminster to hear the Ruler of the Known Universe, Bill Gates, express his enthusiasm for the Internet.

The besuited nerd told the fifth annual CEOs summit on "Converging Technologies" how the Net was going to take over the world and why everyone should use Microsoft to access it

Then Dr Christopher Hartnett, chairman and founder of USA Global Link, a Net-based telecoms company, got up to ask a question.

Instead of throwing Mr Gates a couple of curve balls on monopolies and the like, Dr Hartnett embarked on a mini-eulogy. "I'd like to thank you on behalf of USA Global Link, but I'd also like to thank you on behalf of the entire human race," he said.

As the startled audience sniggered into their presentation packs, Dr Hartnett burbled on about how Bill Gates was the fount of all human knowledge, and finished off with a flourish: "If William H Gates didn't exist, none of us would be here today." I know what he meant, but ...

LORD GOWRIE, the former minister for the arts, has gone back to his Irish roots and become a non-executive director of ITG Group, a company based in Dublin that specialises in smart cards and "swipe technology".

Lord Gowrie was born in Dublin in 1939 and was brought up in Co Donegal. A family pile, Castle Martin in the Wicklow Mountains, had to be sold in the early 1980s.

ITG Group was formed in 1989 and is led by John Nagle, group chief executive, and Maurice Healy, group managing director. The company is expanding aggressively and its last two acquisitions have been in the UK: Telecentral in London and CreditCard Co (UK) in Wales. It is listed on the Developing Companies Market in Dublin and AIM in London.

Lord Gowrie already has a clutch of other directorships, including Yeoman Investment Trust and Verity, and he has been chairman of Development Securities since 1995.

MOHAMED AL-FAYED has hired a chap from Midland Bank to run Harrods Bank. David Maxwell has spent his entire 36-year career with the Midland, the last six years as area manager in Basingstoke.

Harrods says of Mr Maxwell: "His command of French, which he studied after leaving Eton College, led to his being seconded to Eurotunnel as manager, banking and exchange, during the 1980s."

Mr Maxwell said yesterday: "Harrods Bank is a rare gem these days, compared with the general high street banking scene. At Harrods Bank, clients still receive a highly personalised service from a team of very experienced and mature bankers." Unlike Midland, I presume.

I'M GLAD to say the weather held for the final of the 1998 Corney & Barrow Golf Croquet League yesterday, which was won by a pair of likely lads from ABN Amro.

Drummond Pratt and Paul Swaddling, both Oxford graduates from the Dutch bank, took just 20 minutes to beat a pair of Swedish asset managers.

The ABN boys were victorious over Arne Lundberg and Johan Holmsved by a score of 4-1 to take the Veuve Clicquot Cup in a match held at Exchange Square in Broadgate in the City. Apparently the winners admitted to some serious pre-match nerves, saying they considered themselves the "phoenix from the ashes".

When at Oxford they both decided not to join the University Croquet Club as they said it was "teetotal and games took up to three hours".

The Swedes, meanwhile, were even more amazed to have made it as far as the final, having entered the tournament on the off-chance. Called "Subpar" (SEB Fonder - Asset Management), they achieved a 100 per cent success rate until the final, having swept aside the likes of Barings and Deutsche Bank on the way.

Just to give an idea of the high standard of the tournament, ABN Amro beat "Generali Peelers" in the semi-finals, who had in turn just beaten last year's champions, the "Tokai Triplers". Stephen Mulliner of Triplers is currently chairman of the English Croquet Association and is ranked fifth in the world.

THERE'S A rumour going around diplomatic circles that the US Embassy in Moscow is having to fly in its own supplies of hard currency to pay running costs and staff salaries now that Russia has stopped converting the rouble.

Apparently, according to the cocktail circuit rumour, a Boeing 747 stuffed full of dollar bills flies in once a week.

A spokesman for the US Embassy in London is unimpressed with this suggestion. "They've always flown in dollars to cover running costs. I've no idea how the current crisis would effect that. I would imagine they would need fewer dollars."

The spokesman added that in order to get a definitive reaction to this rumour, I should ring the US Embassy in Moscow itself.

On doing so yesterday all I managed to get through to was a continuous and deafening engaged tone. Perhaps they are busy changing this week's order of dollars.