‘Happiness is dwindling and the fear has kicked in’: What it feels like to be pregnant during a pandemic

This has taken the joy out of my final weeks and replaced them with absolute terror,” says Megan. The 28-year-old from Cambridge is 32 weeks pregnant with her first child and suffers from borderline personality disorder. Like many women, she is struggling to cope with pregnancy during a pandemic.

Now 19 weeks pregnant myself, I’ve also found excitement has been replaced by other emotions. Shortly after my first scan in February, coronavirus became a real threat in the UK, spreading globally while my stomach slowly grew. By Mother’s Day – when I should have been with my own mum, excited about her first grandchild – non-essential social contact was banned for pregnant women. That once exciting 20-week scan may now have to be attended alone, and who knows what the August birth will hold. Will I have to go it alone like some women in China?

There were 731,000 births recorded in the UK in 2018 (the most recent dataset available), which is an average of around 2,000 births every day. Before childbirth, women usually have around 10 face-to-face appointments with midwives and for scans. Right now, for the tens of thousands of women currently pregnant in the UK, most of these appointments are taking place over the phone. The maternity wards they might have planned to give birth in are subject to ever tighter visitor restrictions, and the Royal College of Midwives (RCM) has reported that a fifth of local midwife-led maternity units have closed, while more than a third of areas have restricted or entirely stopped homebirths. The proportion of vacant midwife posts has doubled in the last three weeks as midwives are redeployed to care for people with Covid-19, fall sick themselves or are forced to self-isolate because of illness within their households. The RCM is now urging NHS leaders to ringfence maternity services to prevent further vacancies.

Women with pre-existing mental health issues are being hit especially hard by these changes and uncertainties. “Midwife appointments have been cancelled last minute,” says Megan. “And the now restrictive rules in hospital – my partner is only allowed in for labour, not allowed to visit or attend any appointments – are making me very fearful of being alone without any support. I’ve even considered free birthing as I’m afraid of being alone.”

Consultant perinatal psychologist, Julianne Boutaleb, founder of therapist practice Parenthood In Mind, warns against letting “scare stories” cause anxiety. She notes that the RCM is still saying that “absolutely people cannot go into labour alone, there has to be a partner”. She recommends that pregnant women keep checking with their midwives regarding the changing situations, and also start building on the traditional birth plan, to soothe anxieties about what’s ahead. “It’s about having a plan B, maybe a plan C and D as well, in case your partner becomes ill or if indeed you don’t have a partner,” she explains.

Boutaleb says that if your original birthing partner can no longer be with you, now is the time to begin to “gather some sense of who is available, who is well, who could stand in for the birth partner if necessary. Starting to talk with people about those sorts of scenarios.”

While the thought of being alone at appointments and even the birth is causing anxiety, some expectant mothers are experiencing loneliness and isolation throughout the entirety of their pregnancies. Fiona*, a 36-year-old from Fife, is five and a half months pregnant, and due to a relationship breakdown and all her family living abroad, she feels she is going through the experience alone. “I don’t have any friends up here. The closest lives a two-hour drive,” she says. With no birthing partner arranged, unable to see friends and family, and appointments and extra anomaly scans being cancelled and changed, Fiona describes feeling “completely left out and in a limbo”.

“But I’m convinced everything will turn out ok in the end, even if that means I’ll have to keep my mother on the phone until the baby is here,” she says.

Boutaleb says bringing your “supporting matrix” of people into pregnancy and childbirth “has real psychosocial impacts, as well as real neurological impacts”. Some women are using jewellery or other significant objects as a way of feeling like their loved ones are around, while one mother-to-be has had her mum prerecord affirmation messages as voice notes. “The voice of your mum or whoever it is that does it for you can be really soothing, all on its own,” Boutaleb explains. She also recommends accessing resources like The Birth Collective and The Real Birth Project for free or low-cost practical advice, such as learning grounding techniques.

For some women, health and physical factors are causing the most concern, even though pregnant women do not appear to be more susceptible to Covid-19 and there is no evidence yet that the virus can be passed from mother to baby during pregnancy. Natalie, 28, from Edinburgh, is 15 weeks pregnant after suffering a loss due to ectopic pregnancy last year. “I was over the moon when I found out I was pregnant again, but now that happiness is dwindling, and the fear has kicked in,” she says. Bleeds and concerns over the baby’s heartbeat – all things that once could be taken care of at an appointment – have now been made much more complicated. “My biggest worry is this won’t be over by September or that something could go wrong with the pregnancy along the way and I won’t get the care needed,” Natalie explains. “I am trying to stay positive, but it’s hard.”

​Midwife Lesley Gilchrist, clinical director of toiletries website My Expert Midwife, recommends taking care of physical health – which in turn will help with anxieties – using online tools. “Staying active during pregnancy can help to manage stress and anxiety, and there is evidence that a more active lifestyle can help towards coping with pregnancy, as it prepares you well for your labour and birth and will assist you to recover quicker in your postnatal period,” she says. “If you’re not used to exercising, start by exercising gently and gradually build up the length of time and intensity of your preferred form of activity.”

Balancing financial worries with health concerns is another strain on pregnant women. Thirty-one-year-old Sophie, a support worker for hearing impaired children, is 26 weeks pregnant with her first child. Sophie, from Halifax, is married to a lorry driver who doesn’t have the option to work from home. “He is not in a good place,” Sophie says. “He has to put himself at risk because of his job. He is also divided to making sure financially we are ok but also keeping me safe and well.” Many pregnant women will still be working themselves, and the advice differs depending on the stage of pregnancy.

Sian Elliott, women’s equality policy officer at the Trades Union Congress, is pushing for employers to support women properly. She says: “This is turning a health crisis into a social and economic crisis for pregnant women. Nobody should have to choose between their health and their livelihood. If risks are identified and they cannot be removed or prevented, employers should temporarily adjust working conditions, by offering homeworking for example. If that is not possible, they should offer alternative work, away from the risk, on the same pay. If there is no suitable alternative work, the law stipulates they should suspend the worker on full pay.”

Julianne Boutaleb points to the Make Birth Better project as something all pregnant women can look to in these uncertain times. “They’re sharing positive stories of people birthing now and ways they’ve coped. Sending positive messages,” she explains. “Yes this is unusual, yes this might be frightening, yes this isn’t how you imagined it... but with some of these creative ways of supporting yourself, you should be able to get through it.”

Anyone experiencing pre or post-natal mental health problems can get help from charity PANDAS, and those needing support due to traumatic experiences in past pregnancies should contact The Birth Trauma Association