Woman accused of being ‘ungrateful’ for ditching her own birthday party that she wanted to be small

A woman has been called “ungrateful” for ditching her birthday party after her friend ignored her wishes and threw a “full-blown house party.”

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, a woman shared how her roommate, who she referred to as Sara, recently planned the party in their shared condo. She said that when her friend initially offered to throw the event, it was just going to be “a small birthday party,” since the Reddit user wasn’t a fan of big parties.

“I was on board with it because I don’t like huge gatherings and prefer intimate celebrations with close friends. I have slight social anxiety as well,” she explained.

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The woman shared that leading up to the event, Sara said that the plan was to only have a few mutual friends over, before having cake and maybe watching a movie. While this idea was “perfect” for the birthday girl, things took a turn the day off, when she discovered the party was not small at all.

“Sara had invited a ton of people—at least 50. Some were mutual friends, but a lot were people I barely knew or hadn’t even met before,” she continued. “She had also set up a bunch of party decorations, hired a DJ, and there was even a huge table of food and drinks. It felt like a full-blown house party, not the chill gathering I was expecting.”

Right when she got to the party, she “felt overwhelmed,” since there was more attention on her than she initially expected. So, she asked Sara why the party was so big.

“I pulled Sara aside and asked her why she invited so many people when we had agreed on something small,” she added. “She shrugged it off and said, “Oh, come on, it’s your birthday! I wanted to make it special!”

She emphasized that while she “appreciated the effort” her friend made, this wasn’t the kind of party she wanted, so she didn’t stay too long.

“I felt completely uncomfortable and anxious. After trying to stick it out for a bit, I just couldn’t handle it and decided to leave. I ended up going to a nearby coffee shop to calm down and clear my head,” she explained.

When Sara texted her asking where she was, she told her she “wasn’t comfortable with the party” and “needed some space.” However, both Sara and the Reddit user’s friends aren’t happy about the birthday girl leaving the event.

“She was upset and said I was being ungrateful for everything she did for me. Now some of our friends are saying I overreacted and that Sara was just trying to be nice by throwing me a big party,” the woman concluded.

The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 1,600 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people defended that woman’s decision to leave her own party, since it wasn’t the kind of event she wanted. Some also gave her advice on how to handle the situation with her roommate.

“The party was more than expected and made you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable even if it is your birthday party,” one wrote. “I would suggest talking to Sara about how you get overwhelmed in big crowds, especially with people you don’t know too well but that you loved the effort of her wanting to make it a special birthday.”

“It’s not ‘nice’ to throw someone who is very vocal about not liking large, loud parties... in your (shared) home. I wish some of your other friends would have left with you, knowing how much you don’t enjoy this kind of setting,” another wrote.

“You set a boundary, Sara crossed that boundary, you removed yourself from the situation. Believe it or not, that is the adult thing to do. Sara did nothing for you to be grateful for. Sara threw herself a party and invited you,” a third responded.