Trolley life

We should be told if we are going to have to pay more for the privilege of shopping in `prime time' - then at the very least we will require eye masks, free haircuts, hot towels, special slippers, our choice of top-10 videos and commentaries in Japanese on how to get ahead in the corporate world

My first reaction to the news that supermarkets are looking into charging more for prime-time shopping was to laugh. Yes, I know that airplanes and trains have managed to get away with dual pricing but, let's face it, a trolley trip round Sainsbury's is hardly a trip across the Atlantic. I mean what can they be thinking of? Foot massages in the yoghurt aisle? Complimentary champagne to help us decide which tin of tomatoes it is to be this week? I think the supermarkets should be told that if we are going to have to pay more for the privilege of shopping in "prime time" - ie normal hours - then at the very least we will need eye masks, free hair cuts, hot towels, special slippers, goodie bags full of miniature beauty products, our choice of top-10 videos and commentaries in Japanese on how to get ahead in the corporate world.

I blame loyalty cards. Evidently these bits of plastic have given the supermarkets the ludicrous idea that they know us. As Robert Clark of Corporate Intelligence on Retailing explains: "Having introduced loyalty cards and generally getting to know more about their individual customers, they have the technology available to identify when people shop and don't shop and when they need to be persuaded to shop." This just about persuaded me to cut up my card in protest when I realised that I still had 16 vouchers left on it and decided nothing was ever gained from empty gestures.

Then I saw that Somerfield is trying to get its check-out staff to flirt with customers. The union is outraged at this but I suspect Somerfield is on to something here. I was just pondering the ramifications when I suddenly realised how naive we have all been. The future now seems clear. Soon we will be able to decide what kind of shopping "experience" we would like. Top-tier shoppers can go to the supermarket whenever they wish and will be served with great care. There will be someone to help push the trolley, complimentary child-care, a free magazine and a flirtatious check- out person of whichever sex. Of course you will pay for this (and the groceries). The second tier will be treated more or less like, well, like we are now - only it will seem much much worse because we can see how the top-tiers are being treated. But just before the second tier gets too rebellious, supermarkets will introduce a bottom "bargain" tier that will, in practise, be used by the poor. They just about get a trolley (sometimes with wheels even), have to shop from midnight to 7am, and are "served" by the slowest and rudest check-out people. Think it couldn't happen? Don't bet your loyalty card on it.