The Life Doctor

HERE'S A Christmas cracker riddle for you: how will you look good in your Christmas party slinky number, when the number is far slinkier than you are?

With all that indulgent Christmas nonsense around, we thought we'd go the other way and give The Definite Answer to the Flat Stomach: bind it, starve it or crunch it?

"I can get my stomach flat in five days," says Tania Barrow (an enviable 30-year-old who is not overweight, just a little wobbly at the edges) "...if I just drink soup and fluids and eat the odd piece of fruit to satisfy my chewing needs. At Christmas I just eat satsumas and chocolate. That seems to work."

There are times when one must eschew expert advice. Even I, sensible Life Doctor, once went on a vegetables-only diet for the first three days of every week for a wedding. It lasted two months and yes, at the end of it, I had a flat stomach. It didn't last, of course, once I reverted to my curry, chips and beer diet. But I had the dream stomach when I needed it.

While crash dieting is not recommended, Juliet Kellow, editor of Slimming magazine and a qualified dietician, says that a few days' effort before the Christmas party can yield results. "You can't starve yourself and guarantee a slim stomach, because spot fat reduction doesn't work, you lose fat evenly from all over. But three days of reducing fat and sugar and increasing fruit and vegetables, plus extra exercise, will make your stomach feel better. The boost to your self-esteem will make you stand taller and look thinner, too."

You can only do so much in three days. Wear matt clothes, nothing shiny or clingy. Don't wear horizontal lines or fussy patterns. Keep it straight and plain. And don't wear a jacket that ends at the waist. For extra help, invest in body-shaping underwear.

Of course, after your crisis at Christmas, when you are nicely rounded again, you might like to think of a more long-term strategy. You could start a punishing regime of abdominal exercises. This may give you a flattish stomach somewhere towards the end of January. But it won't be as cool as you think. For the Peter Andre stomach, like Peter Andre himself, is last year's news. It is also considered positively unnatural. Stephen Ferns, editor of Men's Fitness and a trained fitness instructor, explains: "The muscle that constitutes what is popularly known as a six-pack is the rectus abdominis. Its function is to flex your trunk about 30 degrees in either direction. Beyond that, the muscle has minimal function. In that sense it is a purely cosmetic muscle. Any kind of sit-up or crunch has limited benefit to the lower part of the spine. It can, moreover, be bad for you because if you overdo it you will pull the lower part of your spine out of shape."

No wonder it feels so unpleasant. I always knew, when I was heaving my arms between my knees on a sweaty gym mat with 30 other grunting females that this kind of behaviour should be outlawed.

So how should you flatten your stomach through exercise? Strangely, the right way is less painful. What experts now recommend can actually be done at your desk.

Hurrah. That sounds more like it.

Paul Godfrey, chartered manipulative physiotherapist at the WCA centre in London says, "Start by gently pulling in your stomach muscles and holding for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times. Do this three times a day. After four to six weeks you should see a significant reduction in your waistline. The stomach muscles should act like a corset around the spine. When you hold in or hollow your stomach round the belly button, the muscles move but the spine stays still, which is much safer than the spinal movement that happens when you do many sit-up repetitions.

So there you have it. Don't eat, don't drink, hold your stomach in and wear a corset. It's going to be a great Christmas.