Still waiting: My waiting life: Tipped, untipped, de-tipped. Tamsin Growney on customers and proprietors good, bad and ugly

Last summer I was a waitress at an upmarket restaurant in Clapham. One night I really hit it off with a charming old couple. They didn't dine out often but were celebrating their wedding anniversary.

I tried to make their evening special and they were very appreciative. The bill came to pounds 41, including a 12.5 per cent 'optional' service charge. The man wrote out a cheque and then popped an extra five pound note into the saucer. I thanked him and they thanked me, and as we beamed at each other fondly Sue, my boss, materialised by my side.

'I can assure you that the service charge on the bill is ample sir. There's no need to leave any more,' she said, snatching up the fiver and putting it back in his hand.

It was all a bit embarrassing. By returning the pounds 5 I'd just accepted, she was implicitly accusing me of attempted fraudulence. The man examined his bill and then asked: 'So the young lady will get this 12 per cent, will she?'

'Of course,' smirked Sue, neglecting to add that although some of the service charge would end up in my pocket, a much larger percentage would end up in hers.

The service charge was used to pay the floor staff, chefs and managers. The more senior your position, the higher your share. Sue would have received twice as much as me - although she spent most of the night in the upstairs office on the phone to her boyfriend.

At Eco's, the thriving newpizza restaurant in Clapham, service is not included. Because of the fast turnover, tips roll in, and having eaten there on busy nights I presumed waiters must make a mint. I didn't find out until I accepted a job that the owners take 50 per cent of tips.

At Tiddy Dols Eating House in Mayfair, a service charge of 15 per cent is levied, but waiters are paid a flat pounds 3.25 an hour, rising to pounds 3.75 only on exceptionally busy nights.

At the Break for the Border cafes in the West End waiters are not paid any basic, but rely on a percentage of the 12.5 per cent service charge, and on the generosity of the diners to leave surplus tips.

Ian Howard, managing director, declined to tell me how much went to waiting staff, and where the rest went. 'It's taken us a long time to build the system we have operating today, and we believe it is one of the fairest.'

'Why can't you tell me how it works then?'

'Well, it's like Coca-Cola not wanting to divulge their recipe isn't it?'

There are diners who do not tip on principle. This leaves the waiter feeling snubbed and out of pocket.

If you ask for the service charge to be removed from your bill, the manager will presume that you are unhappy with the service. Your waiter will be made to feel that he has let the side down, because everyone's wages will suffer as a consequence.

At Kensington Place and Launceston Place, service is not included and the owner, Nick Smallwood, said he would be very unhappy if his waiters exerted any pressure for tips.

'Whether to tip, and how much to tip should be entirely the prerogative of the customer. An 'optional' service charge on a bill is an intimidating gesture. To add to this by leaving the total box on a credit card coupon blank is particularly disgraceful and should be outlawed.

'If a diner leaves a lousy tip it is for one of three reasons: either he is a foreigner and does so through ignorance; or he is just mean; or he feels that service has not come up to scratch and wants to make his dissatisfaction known - in which case he is perfectly within his rights to do so.'

But why should the waiter bear the brunt of ignorance or meanness, while the restaurateur always gets paid? Why shouldn't the restaurateur fall into line with most other industries and pay employees?

The Consumers' Association believes that menu prices should be all-inclusive. Diners would have the option to tip excellent service, and withhold a proportion of the bill if the meal did not come up to scratch.

Until restaurateurs are forced to paya decent basic wage, diners paying a service charge should not feel afraid to ask exactly where it goes.

And if you want to make sure a waiter's immaculate service goes rewarded, put the tip straight into his or her hand.

(Photograph omitted)