Why King Charles may prefer a ‘Happy’ Christmas to a ‘Harry’ Christmas this year

It’s the same conversation happening up and down the country: “What are you doing for Christmas?” A question often loaded with expectation and anticipation – tossed into a phone call like an emotional hand grenade ready to go off at any moment.

The Windsors may not be a typical family, but when it comes to the knotty logistics at Christmas, they are certainly not immune from the same domestic dramas as the rest of us. Christmas at Sandringham follows the tramlines laid by the late Queen. She, in turn, was following in the footsteps of her great-great-grandmother, Queen Victoria. Immediate family (children and grandchildren) are invited to Sandringham from Christmas Eve, when, in the German custom, “Heiligabend Bescherung”, imported by Queen Victoria, presents are opened.

Christmas Day begins with the 330ft walk from Sandringham to St Mary Magdalene Church and then moves to a strict timetable of eating, sleeping, dog walking, and Christmas lunch itself – restricted to a sharp 50 minutes. A Christmas tea takes place, and then, on Boxing Day, there is a large shooting party followed by a formal dinner, with the men in black tie and the women in gowns. Tiaras and jewels are worn.

There have been reports from the Sussex household in Montecito, California, that Harry and Meghan would “not decline” an invitation – the story emerging after Harry called the King on his 75th birthday last week. Apparently, both Harry and Meghan were on the call, and their children, Archie and Lilibet, sang to the grandfather they are by now surely eager to spend more time with in person. However, if the Sussexes are ready to, as sources put it, “change the state of play”, Charles may not be on the same Christmas hymn sheet. His camp, it seems, is less inclined to extend an olive branch – and an invitation – to the Sussexes this Christmas. And it’s not hard to understand why.

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Firstly, there will be worries about leaks about the day, and if the Sussexes arrived, with relations said to be at an all-time low with the Waleses, would William and Kate suddenly feel the need to switch their Christmas plans? Would they instead choose to be hosted by the Middletons instead who are no doubt looking forward to a first Christmas with their newest grandchild, James’s son Inigo, who was born last month? As for many families at this time of year, a happy family occasion feels far out of reach – when you have to negotiate the sensitivities that come with a large family that might not always see eye to eye.

In the case of Charles, it feels even more poignant. This should have been his first happy Christmas as monarch and paterfamilias. Last Christmas, he may have been King, but at home, he was the eldest son mourning his first Christmas without his mother. Indeed, it was a change we all had to get used to; a new monarch coming out of church; a new monarch delivering the nation’s Christmas message. But it must have been particularly emotional for the King who, after 73 years with his adored mother, was coming to terms with his own loss and the outpouring of grief from the nation. As he said in his Christmas message last year: “I am standing here in this exquisite Chapel of St. George at Windsor Castle, so close to where my beloved mother, the late Queen, is laid to rest with my dear father. I am reminded of the deeply touching letters, cards, and messages which so many of you have sent my wife and myself, and I cannot thank you enough for the love and sympathy you have shown our whole family.”

This Christmas, by contrast, has all the makings of a happy, harmonious family gathering. The King has found new confidence in his new role as monarch and has been growing ever closer to his Wales grandchildren – increasingly visiting them at Windsor, a royal seat that he hadn’t used much during his mother’s reign. The new Queen has been a very involved grandmother, too, with her grandchildren. And she remains on extremely good terms with her ex-husband, Andrew Parker Bowles. As Jilly Cooper remarked to me recently when I interviewed her: “Isn’t Camilla lovely? She and Andrew got a brilliant, brilliant divorce. Adorable children. They all get on and share each other’s lives.”

Like the rest of us, the royal family enjoy exchanging jokey presents and love charades and card games. Paper hats are worn – sourced from the Dorset company Celebration Crackers. All this takes place in the shadow of the 20ft Nordmann Fir Christmas tree, delivered from Windsor and decorated with golden baubles. After lunch, the family will gather to watch the King’s Christmas broadcast, which we can expect to be an offer of hope in what has been a difficult and tumultuous year for so many. Of course, the fissure that is Prince Harry will still be there – but it is not the first time that the family have had to navigate complications that come from divorces and soured relationships that mean one royal can’t be in the same room as another family member.

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Prince Philip famously insisted that after the Duchess of York was snapped having her toes sucked by financier John Bryan, she couldn’t stay in any house he was in, and banished her from Christmas celebrations with the family. She spent it instead alone at Sunninghill Park, aka “SouthYork”, the York marital home. The travails of Fergie and Harry at royal occasions pale in comparison, though, with the Princess Diana years. Diana famously hated staying at Sandringham, and after she separated from Charles, Christmases were particularly heartbreaking. In 1992, the Christmas of the Queen’s annus horribilis, she stayed with her brother, Earl Spencer, at Althorp. In 1993, she spent Christmas Eve at Sandringham and went to church in the morning but didn’t join the royal family for lunch, instead heading off to Kensington Palace alone without her children on Christmas Day. Agony for everyone.

Still, Sandringham was always seen as the mothership for our former Queen’s immediate children. When Princess Anne split up from Captain Mark Phillips, she spent Christmas with her children at Sandringham. And, even when Prince Andrew was disgraced by his association with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, he stayed at Sandringham for Christmas – but kept away from the church service. After her marriage to Charles, then the Prince of Wales, Camilla would stay at Sandringham for the Christmas church service and then join her children for the rest of the day. Last year, her children came to Sandringham for Christmas for the first time.

The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, however, never spent another Christmas at Sandringham again after Edward VIII’s abdication, which is not to say the same fate is set in stone for the Sussexes. But perhaps it’s best for the King not to face Harry and all the complications that come with the heightened emotions of this time of year. Better to make baby steps later. There has been a suggestion that the Sussexes might still come to Sandringham at new year, when the Waleses can make a diplomatic retreat to nearby Anmer Hall.

In the face of the latest Christmas schism, the King will likely do the best he can when facing a “Sophie’s choice”. It will be difficult to ask Prince Harry back into the fold without alienating his eldest son, and a happy Christmas Day could elude them. But perhaps on New Year’s Eve, the time will come to ring in the changes. Painful family splits are often seen in a different light come the calm of a new dawn when true healing can begin. By Christmas 2024, the royal family could be a happy family once more. A Christmas miracle indeed.

Harry Mount is the author of ‘How England Made the English’