Why Kate will be watching ‘glum’ Queen Mary closer than most

A few months after Mary Donaldson met a handsome young Danish man in a bar in Sydney, she travelled secretly to his homeland so the pair could spend New Year’s Eve together. Until then the advertising executive turned real estate agent had mainly seen her boyfriend wearing shorts and a T-shirt, so on New Year’s Day when he announced he needed to get dressed for a special dinner, she thought little of it.

But as Mary would later recount to guests at her husband Frederik’s 50th birthday, she couldn’t believe her eyes when her casual, sports-loving boyfriend returned in full princely regalia. “If I had known Danish at the time,” she told the audience, “I would probably have thought to myself aij, hvor har jeg scoret over evne.” The  translation: “Wow, I’ve really scored above my league.”

But this week, X years later as that Aussie girl begins her new role as Queen Mary of Denmark, it’s more evident than ever that just like the Princess of Wales, she has come into her own and is exactly where she deserves to be.

Nine years in age and a great swathe of ocean once separated Mary Donaldson and Kate Middleton but these two women with their strikingly similar backgrounds, sensibilities and looks now stand at the forefront of regal power in Europe.

Following the abdication of Queen Margrethe, Tasmanian-born Mary, 51, is now Queen of Denmark alongside her husband King Frederik. Just 1250 miles away from Copenhagen, the Princess of Wales, 42, will be a keen observer as the woman whose life mirrors her own steps into the top job.

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To date, Kate has had few role models. There is no Diana to guide her, and Charles and Camilla’s road to the throne was mired in scandal, divorce and acrimony. Mary and Frederik are close in age to the Waleses and are invested in similar interests. By the time Kate becomes Queen, Mary should have years of experience under her belt and plenty of good advice for her counterpart in Buckingham Palace.

They have in all probability already spoken about what their futures hold. In 2022 when the then Duchess of Cambridge visited Denmark to learn more about its early childhood programmes, the two women enjoyed a quiet lunch a deux. Tucked up inside Amalienborg Palace and far away from the cameras that are constantly focused on them both, the pair who understand each other’s role like few others doubtless nattered away the afternoon.

Both have had to deal with rumours of their husbands’ alleged dalliances with other women. Years after speculation, the issue continues to arise – most recently in Omid Scobie’s book Endgame. While Scobie believes nothing happened he acknowledges rumours can take on a force of their own.

Frederik’s alleged affair with Mexican socialite Genoveva Casanova is more recent and more troublesome in that there is incriminating evidence. Photographs of the now King leaving Casanova’s apartment in the early hours of the morning last November provoked such a strongly worded denial from the reality TV star it succeeded only in adding more fuel to the fire.

While the Danish royal family have not commented on the issue, Queen Margrethe’s haste in abdicating signals a desire to secure both her son’s marriage and the monarchy. Unfortunately, Mary’s demeanour at her husband’s proclamation has done little to stem the rumours.

While the passing of power ticked all the boxes in terms of pared-back ceremony their eagle eye observers noted they did not hold hands while travelling in the carriage and an awkward missed kiss on the balcony at Christianborg Palace lacked the usual ease and warmth exuded by the pair who will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary in May.

Love stories are hard enough to maintain for civilians. Throw in duty, service, surveillance by the media and constant scrutiny by febrile gossip-mongers and the pressure becomes unbearable. Unlike Diana, whose emotions were often writ large on her face and mannerisms, Mary and Kate have never given any indication that anything is awry. That doesn’t always mean it isn’t; they’re just more adept at self-control.

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It may also mean they are well-placed to become confidantes. Trust is a scarce resource when you head up a realm, not to mention a Commonwealth. Their inscrutability may be their secret weapon but as they navigate their centuries-old monarchies with a modernity and relatability that could future-proof their royal houses for decades to come, each is uniquely placed to be a sounding board for the other.

There is plenty beyond their Vogue-worthy looks even if clothes-horsing, like Princess Diana before them, is tiresomely positioned as their most celebrated pursuit. Tall, fashionable and poised, they both exercise enthusiastically, presumably to stay healthy and combat the stresses of their spotlighted roles. But their lean physiques, a shrewd eye for what suits them and a commitment to “recycling” their outfits (aka wearing them more than once) have meant both have become style icons. Indeed, they are both so enamoured of designers such as Erdem and Stella McCartney that no one would be surprised if their assistants had a quiet chat before joint appearances to ward off any choice clashes.

Beyond their ability to choose precisely the right outfit – notably both marked respective coronation occasions by wearing white as a sign of purity – they are both in the challenging position of being married to a monarch/future monarch while also being responsible for raising the ones to follow. (Queen Mary has four children to Kate’s three.)

But before they met the men who would draw them into this astonishing world of pomp and service there was no hint either would one day become king-makers. One girl served on the school council at her secondary college in Hobart and the other dispensed balloons and themed cake toppers while working for her parents’ party business in Bucklebury.

And yet it is precisely this ordinariness, along with their contented small-town upbringings in happy middle-class families, which has given them the malleability to adapt, persevere and excel. Whereas Frederik and William were born into it – there’s huge freedom in being The Girl Least Likely.

While Mary never suffered the Waity Katie moniker that positioned the Princess of Wales as an aimless wannabe, her origin story comes from the same cultural iconography as Crocodile Dundee. In short, prince picks up sheila in a pub.

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Yesterday as the Slip Inn in Sydney celebrated their role in the love story with El Frederiko Hot Dogs and a There’s Something About Mary cocktail on the menu, the nation woke to images of their ‘sheila’ as Queen. There’s been some arch commentary in the last couple of weeks about Denmark having an Australian head of state before Australia does, but there’s no less pride in Mary’s success.

In Australia where we don’t much care for titles and tend to anoint larrikins over landed gentry (see the late Shane Warne) everyone was impressed when the youngest child of a Scottish-born academic and his executive assistant wife not only hooked a prince, but also dazzled the Danes by learning to speak their language within a year and continued to wear Birkenstocks when rocking a tiara. Mary posed barefoot on the cover of The Australian Women’s Weekly long before Meghan Markle thought to do likewise in Vanity Fair.

While Mary’s mother died when she was 26 – a loss she credits with giving her strength and resilience – she and Kate have the self-possession that comes from being raised by devoted parents. Just as Carole and Michael Middleton play a central role in their daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren’s lives, Mary’s father John and his second wife Susan moved to Copenhagen for several years to be closer to their grandchildren.

Where Mary and Kate are most aligned, however, is in their determination to learn the ropes and choose the right moment to hit their stride. The new Queen set up The Mary Foundation in 2007 when she was 35 and alongside its focus on domestic violence and loneliness, it developed an anti-bullying program which is now used in more than half of all Danish schools. Mary, is also an ambassador for grief charities, an advocate for women’s rights and has spoken about sustainability and LGBT+ issues.

Kate, similarly, launched her legacy project The Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood when she was 39, and is a prominent advocate for greater awareness of mental health issues. They both exhibit quiet power and fight for the reputation of family and the monarchy.

Both have already shown a facility for managing tricky problems and they know that monarchy, as the late Queen Elizabeth showcased, is a long game. And that means Mary and Kate may need each other more than they yet know.