Woman's post about the realities of working as a new mum strikes home
Thousands of women began sharing their own experiences
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Your support makes all the difference.A mother’s Facebook post illustrating what it’s like being the new mum at work has gone viral after thousands of women resonated with the experience of feeling guilty and judged in the workplace for taking time out to care for their children.
Melbourne based Adele Barbaro frequently shares honest insights into her life as the working mother of two year old Harvey, and nine month old Chloe on her personal blog The Real Mumma.
Barbaro addresses issues such as how difficult it can be for working mothers who can’t spend as much time with their children as they might want, and the pressure to return to a pre-baby body. She has also previously shared her struggles with infertility and the IVF treatment that gave Barbaro her son Harvey.
On 19 April she posted about the guilt and judgement she has previously felt in the workplace as a new mother. The post begins: “You know the new mum at work? (Insert eye roll) The one that is leaving early because day care has called...... again. The Mum that only talks about her kids in the lunch room. That Mum who is forever taking days off. And the one, that has a shorter working week and gets an extra day off?
“Don’t judge.”
Barbaro writes that new mothers are often “on edge at work, hoping that day care won’t call and their heart drops when the phone rings.” She explains that they don’t want to leave work and take time off, but often they have nobody else to fall back on when their child is sick and needs care.
She writes: “At 3am, when they are rocking a baby with yet another illness they are dreading that they can’t go to work the next day, again. They are sick of missing work and do not want to fall behind.”
New mothers can often feel guilty prioritising their children, Barbaro explained, and they often worry about “how it looks” when they have to leave work early.
Colleagues and work management can sometimes judge new mothers for the unpredictable hours and unavoidable time off they can need after returning to work from maternity leave. Barbaro explains that while some co-workers can assume that leaving work early or taking days off are a treat, for a working mother time away from the office is definitely not downtime.
She dispels any misconceptions about what a new mother’s shorter working week and “days off” look like: “There’s no coffee with friends or shopping sprees, beach trips or salon visits.
“It’s being rundown with hairy legs, mum buns and boogie-filled snuggles. It’s selfless and can be bloody relentless.”
Barbaro appeals to those who might judge a new mum, she writes: “Know that the new mum is finding her feet. The missed days at work are short lived. And behind the dark eyes is the same women that was first hired.... and she will be back. But she just needs a little understanding and a knowing smile.”
Speaking about what inspired her to share her experience, Barbaro told The Independent: “I shared this post because I was once on the receiving end of rolled eyes and very little support and flexibility with my first born. I had to fight to progressively return to work and taking time off was frowned upon.
“Now, I am in a new role that has a huge amount of flexibility and recognition that coming back from maternity leave can be a testing time. I’m lucky to be allowed to work from home if they are kids are ill and I have a caring management team. And for that, I give so much more! I go above and beyond my working hours because I have such a great understanding.
“But I wish more work places were like it. More women (and men) should be supported through this transition.
“I’ve had people message me to say that their boss has sent them my post and told them that they are doing brilliantly. I’ve had people tell me that their colleagues have tagged them to say they just didn’t understand. It’s great that it is getting recognised.”
The Facebook post has received over 14,000 likes, 7,400 shares, and 1,800 comments. Women began sharing their own stories in the comments about how difficult it can be taking time off work to care for their children.
One woman said: “This was me last year, my first year back at work. [I worked] Only two days a week, but it was almost always guaranteed that my son would be ill on those two days. It was an internal struggle to 'look good' and be reliable at work but also being the best mum I could be to my young son. Motherhood ain’t easy, and being a working mum definitely isn’t either. Less judgement and more understanding goes a long way in today’s day and age."
Another commented: “When I returned from mat leave to a different, part time role, I often (daily almost) had workmates comment on my part time status and how lucky I was to only be working 2.5 days a week. I'm pretty sure they forgot that I also only got PAID for 2.5 days, and on my 'days off' I had twin babies while my husband worked shift work. Not easy, and please don't judge.”
There are 4.9 million mothers with dependent children in work in the UK alone, and many share Barbaro’s experiences of guilt and judgment in the workplace.
A survey by babycare product company NUK revealed that 87 per cent of mothers felt guilty at some point in relation to parenting, with 69 per cent of mothers worrying that they hadn’t got their work/life balance right.
Barbaro’s post raises awareness of a widespread issue among working mothers, and calls for an acknowledgement of the difficulties faced by new mothers in this transitional stage who might be suffering in silence.
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