Poetic licence / Peter Lilley has made an attempt to woo "Essex Man" by claiming that the Conservatives are the true party of the working class. An Essex man replies.

A breach of Essex

So me and Trace was well-annoyed

With Mr. Lilley. Want we Trace?

We bought this house in '86

For forty K. Well on the case

In them old days

Want we Trace?

And I was bloody coinin' it

Three motors and two videos

And d'you know what my house was worth

By '90? Ton-ten. As it goes.

The price just rose.

As it goes.

I voted for them four times round

So did Trace and her mate Sharon

My mates Russell, Kev and Warren

Their wives, Heidi, Dawn and Karen

As it happens

So did Darren.

But would they get my vote this time?

Get a life. Not now I'm tryna

Pay the mortgage. Sold the motors

Last job? Got the dustbin liner.

Trace is waitress

In a diner

Can't get dentists, hospitals are

Hopeless now. Don't even mention

Water, gas, electrics, buses.

Can't keep up the private pension

Never finished

My extension.

Estuary English spoken here.

We're satellite in town and dish

Peter Lilley don't be silly

Feelbad factor? Rampant...ish.

Fifth-time Tory?

Bet you wish.