Mother praised after refusing to give daughter-in-law ‘family heirloom’

When a couple gets engaged, it can be common for the man to propose with a ring that has been passed down in his family. However, that wasn’t the case for one newly-engaged couple.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, a mother explained that her oldest son was getting married. She had been designing and collecting rings for many years, and her daughter-in-law had expressed interest in one of them.

“After my son got engaged and we invited him and DIL (daughter-in-law) to dinner at home, DIL asked to speak to me. She said she’s been seeing my emerald ring over the years and she has always wanted one,” the Reddit user wrote.

“She pointed out that I wear it least often, which is true, and demanded that I gift it to her as an heirloom engagement ring. This is in addition to other wedding gifts and expenses we had discussed as a family during dinner. This includes gold to the value of approximately £6,000, which is honestly more than my entire wedding cost, and which I still think is a significant amount.”

The mother explained that her future daughter-in-law’s request “rubbed me the wrong way”. She accused her son’s fiancé of “trying to pick through” her estate while she was still alive, and that she has the right to do whatever she wants with her own ring.

“She yelled at me that something like this can’t just be sold, it should be an heirloom and it’s normal for heirlooms to be passed on while the wearer is still alive,” the Reddit post read. “I told her to leave if she was just in my home to demand my property and she stormed out, taking my son with her.”

Her son told her that she should’ve given his fiancé the ring as a gesture to show that she’s welcome in their family, and giving her the ring wouldn’t be any different to letting his sister borrow a piece of jewellery. The mother concluded her post by clarifying that her daughter-in-law did have an engagement ring and this would be an additional ring for her to occasionally wear for fun.

Since the post was shared on Reddit last week, many people have turned to the comments section to defend the mother for not giving up her ring. “Your DIL is quite the entitled gold (or emerald) digger. If she wanted it for an engagement ring, the proper thing would have been for your son to discuss it with you. Her asking for it is shocking and rude,” one comment began.

“It’s not an heirloom if you are the first owner in the family. Heirlooms tend to have generations behind them. And they are not necessarily given away during the owner’s lifetime. Many family mementos are distributed as part of an estate after the owner is deceased. Don’t loan anything to her or you will never see it again.”

Another commenter agreed, writing: “I can’t believe she has the audacity to say that. If she loves the ring, she can tell your son to get her one like it and not take yours! I’d keep all valuables in a vault!”

“This ring is NOT an heirloom because it was never passed down through generations. It’s just a personal piece with no intention of being passed down,” a third person commented. “This is not the same as people ‘borrowing’ jewellery, because those are eventually returned. Keep an eye out on your jewellery.”

“If she wants an emerald ring so bad, she can trade her engagement ring and have one designed for herself so that it’s unique.”