Lyric sheets

British Gangsta rappers are to get their own finishing school. New York charm guru, Angelo Ellerbee, is to run pounds 180-an-hour courses to teach etiquette and diction.

GANGSTA ETIQUETTE

At dinner with the record co.

A gentleman should not cry, `Yo!'

Upon being asked to pass the salt

But if by chance he finds a fault

With rival's braggadocio

He never says, `You fat Mo Fo.

You diss me and I'll f*** your ho.'

Instead he asks, `Is that the time?

Excuse me but I'll have to go.'

For having reached a small impasse

It's gauche to shout, `I'll whip yo ass!'

So parry with, `Oh come now, sir.

A valid point. I must demur.'

He then avoids a slanging match

By saying, `My Uzi's slipped its catch

And though this will seem declasse

Reluctant as I am, I may

Be forced to blow your face away.'

If remonstration cuts no ice

A small incendiary device

Placed somewhere ... say, inside a car

Of some ill-mannered gangsta star

Resolves a dispute in a trice.

Discretion though is my advice

So detonate it while they serve

Your fellow diners with hors-d'oeuvres.