Woman responds to critics who think her husband should be with someone thinner than her
TikTok creator says her marriage ‘doesn’t make sense’ by conventional beauty standards
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Your support makes all the difference.A content creator and influencer has responded to criticisms of her relationship on social media after one user claimed her husband should be with somebody thinner than her.
Alicia Mccarvell, from Canada, addressed the comments in a TikTok video on Tuesday 21 June, which has since been viewed more than 12 million times.
Mccarvell and her husband, Scott, regularly post content together on TikTok, sharing various aspects of their relationship.
The comments came after Mccarvell recently posted a transition video showing the couple standing in front of a mirror in their towels before getting dressed to attend a wedding together.
The video quickly went viral and has been watched 22 million times.
While many of the comments were positive and praised the couple, Mccarvell said she also received a lot of messages from people who claimed the relationship didn’t “add up” because of the differences in their weight.
“My video went viral, and I know we all know why. It’s because by beauty standards we don’t make sense,” she explained.
“The world looks at us and immediately values Scott more than me.”
Mccarvell said that in her experience, people try to “add value” to her in a bid to make their relationship “make sense”.
“They say things like ‘oh, she must not have been fat when they met or oh, she’s got to be rich’,” she said.
“Or they try to decrease his side of the equation by saying he must be gay, or he fetishes fat women.”
Mccarvell said these views reflected beauty standards imposed by a wider society which sees physically fit men and women are more attractive, and that these values are not reflective of the couple’s marriage.
“We’ve been made to believe that somebody who is physically fit like Scott could never in a million years be in love with or compatible with a fat woman,” she explained.
“And that’s solely because the world has taught us that we have to value our worth [based] on our bodies.”
Giving a concrete example of some of the criticisms the couple faces, Mccarvell said a woman recently messaged Scott and told him he should be with somebody who looks like her, instead of his wife.
“She was thin and by beauty standards a 10 out of 10,” Mccarvell said of the stranger.
“Here’s the thing though, me telling myself the majority of our relationship that I’m not worthy of his love because of my body is the exact same thing as this thin woman telling him that she is worthy because of her body.
“I’m undervaluing myself and she is overvaluing herself. We have both been made to believe that our value lies in our body.”
Mccarvell said that when it comes to her husband’s values, her body and how well it fits conventional beauty standards is “not on the top of his list”.
“He values my humour, my commitment and my love and my caring heart. None of these things that he values change if my body changes.
“If this is the way you think, it’s the way you’ve been taught. However, it is your responsibility to unlearn it.”
Mccarvell’s words have received praise from TikTok users, some of whom could relate to the criticisms she endures.
“This is so important. It is such a hard thing to learn that we are worthy of love no matter our size. Thank you for using your platform to speak about this,” one person said.
Another wrote: “I’m in this same situation. I’m big, my partner’s small and I’m still trying to deprogram this thinking internally. You are my most valuable resource [sic].”
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