Woman questions whether she was wrong to show up uninvited to husband’s family dinner: ‘Don’t tolerate this’

A woman is being urged to divorce her husband after she questioned whether she was wrong to show up to the restaurant where her partner’s family was having dinner, despite not being invited.

The woman, who goes by the username u/RestaurantCrasher on Reddit, described her side of the story in a post shared to the AITA [Am I the A**hole] subreddit on Wednesday, where she asked: “AITA for eating at the same restaurant as my husband’s family?”

In the post, the woman, who identified herself as 32, began by explaining that she has been married to her 35-year-old husband for three years, and that they dated for two years before that. “I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas,” she said.

However, according to the woman, she and her husband recently got into a fight after she showed up uninvited to the same restaurant where he and his family were having their monthly family dinner, which she noted that she is only invited to 50 per cent of the time.

“My husband’s parents, his two brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ girlfriends/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50 per cent of the time,” she wrote. “I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.”

The Reddit user then added: “When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me ‘I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.’”

According to the woman, when she has told her husband that she would like to join the dinner, he has said “it would be for the best if [she] didn’t,” which she noted has “caused several fights”.

In the post, the woman said that she decided to do something about her lack of invite during her husband’s most recent family dinner, which she said she was again not invited to.

“About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very pissed. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservations, and I left 15 minutes after him,” she recalled, adding: “I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them.”

According to the Reddit user, her husband looked “completely shocked” when he saw her, and asked what she was doing at the restaurant. She said she replied that she had been “dying for a steak,” and had decided to go to the restaurant to get one.

The woman’s mother-in-law also didn’t have a positive reaction to her appearance, according to the post, as the OP [original poster] noted that her husband’s mother said it was “very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner”.

“I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom,” she continued. “I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.”

While she did not join her husband’s family, the woman revealed in the Reddit post that he was “really pissed” when he came home, and “told me that he couldn’t believe how much of an a**hole I had been”.

According to the woman, she told her husband that he had been the “a**hole for not inviting me to his dinners,” especially considering his brothers’ significant others attend. “My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it,” she added.

The woman concluded the post questioning whether she was in the wrong, writing: “Anyway, with the way the word a**hole was thrown around, it made me think of this sub. So I wanted to ask if I am the a**hole. Am I?”

Since it was shared to Reddit, the post has been upvoted more than 21,000 times, with thousands of Reddit users weighing in in the comments.

According to the majority of comments, the woman’s husband and his family are the ones who are wrong in the situation, with one person writing: “Wtf. Your husband and his family are all a**holes.”

“NTA [not the a**hole]. What the f**k?” another person commented. “Honestly, I would divorce. Straight to divorce. Your husband’s behaviour is past the point of no return.”

Someone else asked the woman why she is “married to a man who doesn’t see you as family”. “This post has made me sad for you,” they added.

The woman’s post also prompted one person to ask whether there is a possible discriminatory reason that her husband and his family do not invite her, with the Reddit user questioning: “Is there a major race or religion difference between you and the rest of the family/in-laws?”

In response to the question, the woman revealed that she is “mixed race” and that her husband is white. She also noted that they are both Christians, but neither is “particularly religious”. “My in laws are fairly religious, but none of their kids are avid church goers and they don’t seem to mind,” she added.

While many questioned whether the woman’s in-laws could be “racist” and that that is why she is not invited to family dinners, she said in the comments it seems unlikely that that is entirely the reason for their “dislike of me”.

“If they are racist, they aren’t super forward about it. Maybe it contributes to their dislike for me, but I can’t imagine that it caused their dislike of me,” she said.

As for whether she asks her husband why she isn’t invited, the OP said in response to another comment that she does ask why and that her husband gets “very cagey about it”.

“We will fight for hours and all I will get is ‘it’s for the best if you don’t come,’” she said. She also revealed that, up until her mother-in-law called her “rude,” her in-laws had “never been outright hostile” to her.

“It was small things, like not inviting me to these dinners, that made them seem cold. They have always been kind of distant. But there was never a fight or anything to cause bad blood. I have always tried to be kind to them,” she said.

Despite the reasoning behind the family’s treatment of the OP, many users were in agreement that the woman deserves better and should leave her husband.

“As soon as your mother-in-law said you’d interrupted their ‘family’ dinner [it] spoke volumes: you are not and never will be considered family to them. Get out now, no matter what other ‘good’ aspects you see in your husband. You are worth more than this,” one person wrote.

Another said: “You couldn’t pay me to ever go to dinner with any of them again. Your husband has made it clear whom he values and it’s not you. Maybe drop the divorce papers on the next family dinner.”

The Independent has contacted u/RestaurantCrasher for comment.