Ex-partner kompromat: How shared secrets with partner cause tensions when you split

It’s strange, isn’t it? When in a relationship with someone, you share the most intimate parts of your life and thoughts in your head with them, but then you break up, perhaps never to speak again, and they still know all those incredibly personal details about you.

And it’s not just personal things either - opening up to a partner often results in them obtaining compromising material about you too.

As Donald Trump has learned, kompromat - the Russian term for compromising material - from your personal life can have dangerous consequences if made public.

And although we’re not all about to become President of the most powerful nation on earth, there are still shared secrets we’d rather stayed just that - secret.

When in a relationship, a lot of people moan to their partner about their employers, friends and family members. But what if your partner becomes your ex, screen-shots those texts where you ranted about how much of a b****** your boss is being and decided to use them either to get revenge or to blackmail you?

Then there’s the issue of sexts and nude snaps, which so many people now send to their romantic partners - although the majority now at least know never to send a picture with their face in.

Some of us are extremely open people who tend to overshare even in the early stages of a relationship. But what if it all fizzles out and you immediately regret what you’ve told, sent or shown someone?

Dating and relationship psychologist Madeleine Mason told The Independent that the most important thing to ask yourself is: “Would I be OK for my family and colleagues to see this?” If the answer is no, don’t ever do it.

She accepts, however, that “this will take some amount of impulse control in the heat of the moment.”

Mason also advises a cautious approach to virtual communication: “Be prepared that anything you share will be forwarded and shared, in fact assume it will be.” And she recommended presuming Snapchats and Skype calls are being recorded too.

Then think about how you’d feel if your messages, videos and pictures were shared. Yeah, not good.

Of course, if you’re engaging with a decent human being, most of your intimate content - whether secrets or virtual exchanges - should be safe, but that can never be guaranteed.

Whilst we all want to trust our partners and no relationship will get anywhere if you don’t open up, it’s worth being cautious at least at the start - who knows, you could end up running for President one day only to discover your ex from 20 years ago has some kompromat on you.