How to tell if someone you’re dating actually likes you

Nothing disrupts your sense of self quite like dating someone new. Everything is suddenly thrown into question, from the way you dress, talk, eat, speak, think, and, you know, canoodle. You start overthinking things. Did I come across a little intense when I told that story? Was that joke actually a bit offensive? Should I have chosen a different restaurant? Did I wear too much mascara? And so on. All this is magnified when you really like the person you’re dating, which inevitably means one question looms larger than them all: do they like me back?

It’s a simple query that should have simple answers. And yet, in today’s convoluted dating landscape where nobody says what they mean and everyone relies on ambiguity to stop themselves getting hurt, it rarely does. Yes, you can read body language, overanalyse text messages, and interpret all the signs a person gives you. But then they might suddenly ghost you, vanishing without so much as a wave emoji – see the viral “dudes before they ghost you” video, in which actor Taylor Rosen plays the role of a man who talks about marriage, meeting his parents, and building a life together right before vanishing and never contacting you again. It garnered more than 700,000 likes and thousands of comments from people who related; modern love is nothing if not a sisyphean pursuit.

So, love-bombing and deluded fantasies of the future aside, how can you actually tell if someone you’re dating reciprocates your interest rather than simply keeping you as an option, or using you to boost their ego? There are a few obvious ways, like when they make plans for the future and show a genuine enthusiasm for the things you care and talk about. But then there are more subtle indicators – and they almost always include actions rather than words. “When someone genuinely likes you, they find ways to include you in their life, even if they’re busy,” says Alex Mellor-Brook, relationships coach and internationally certified matchmaker.

“It’s not about extravagant gestures but consistent actions, like sending a thoughtful message, planning dates, or simply being available when you need them. These efforts show they value your presence and want to nurture the connection.” In other words, you need to feel as if the other person is making you a priority and communicating in a thoughtful, considerate manner.

Rather than focusing solely on what someone says to you, try to observe how they say it. “Being consistent with communication is key,” says Stacy Thomson, founder of Reddi, a private, psychology-focused dating platform. “If someone likes you, they make an effort to text back regularly and keep the conversation flowing. It doesn’t have to be constant, but they’re engaged and taking time over their replies.”

It’s worth remembering that there’s obviously also a difference between how people text someone they fancy and someone they genuinely like and see a future with. “If they disappear for days and then come back with casual texts, they may just be looking for attention or validation rather than something real with you,” notes Thomson. “Likewise, if they’re keen one minute and distant the next, it’s likely they’re not serious about getting to know you, and they’re texting simply because they know you will text back.”

Body language can be helpful, too, so long as it’s consistent. “Physical indicators to look out for include that their pupils are dilated when looking at you and they lean towards you while you're speaking to signify you are their sole focus,” says senior therapist and relationship expert Sally Baker. “Feet are also a true body language giveaway; it's a positive sign if their feet are pointed towards you instead of pointing at the nearest exit.”

Another solid sign of interest is someone actively trying to integrate you into their life as opposed to simply suggesting one-on-one dates that keep your connection isolated to the two of you. “Early signs of genuine interest often include invitations to meet friends, mentions of future plans that involve you, or sharing personal routines and experiences,” adds Mellor-Brook. “These actions signal that they’re thinking long-term and want to build a meaningful relationship where you’re an integral part of their world.”

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Any indicators of emotional availability are also crucial. This could be talking openly about family, friends, and personal struggles. If someone you’re dating is avoiding those deeper kinds of conversations, as well as not properly engaging with you whenever you try to raise them, it’s another indicator they’re not taking you seriously as a dating prospect. “While it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re using the relationship as a distraction, it suggests they may not be emotionally prepared to engage fully or build a meaningful bond,” explains Mellor-Brook. “It's important to consider these signs as potential indications that the person might not be looking for the same type of relationship you are.”

Regardless of all this, though, there’s one sign that trumps them all: and that’s how being with this person makes you feel. You know those itching feelings of angst, dread, and utter despair that can crop up when you date someone? Well, it might sound obvious but that’s probably not a great start to any kind of relationship and indicates something isn’t working for you. “In a relationship where each person likes and respects the other, you should feel confident and dating them should feel easy,” says Malminder Gill, clinical hypnotherapist. “When someone’s actions do not match their words, this can be a warning sign that they are not serious. For example, if when together they say things to make you feel special and admired but their actions leave you feeling otherwise, they are not genuinely invested.”

To some, all this might sound brazenly obvious. But when you’re in the throes of infatuation, well, the whole world suddenly becomes a little blurry and it can be hard to see straight. Take note of all of this the next time you find yourself falling headfirst into a dizzying new romance, so you can try to work out how someone really feels early on to avoid getting hurt and wasting your time. And remember, there are worse things to happen than finding out someone just isn’t that into you. In fact, sometimes it can be a godsend that’s going to save you years of trauma and thousands of pounds worth of therapy. Thank us later.