Masturbation, racism and farting: People share their most cringe-worthy date stories

Most people have at least one bad date story, but some are definitely more cringe-worthy than others.

Just in the past week, The Independent was told two horrendous tales: the woman who went on a date with a friend she’d known for over ten years only for the night to end with him having a threesome with two girls he’d met at the bar, for example.

And the woman whose Tinder date turned up with her face on a T-shirt: “He told me he hadn’t taken his ADHD medication that day because he wanted to ‘be more real.’

“He then told me he’d just got out of prison for drug dealing. I persevered and we went to a gig, but when he came back from the toilet he announced that he’d just eaten a bag of weed.”

You just can’t make these things up.

Over on Reddit, people have been sharing their own embarrassing date stories, from a man who accidentally implied he thought his date was obese to the woman who ended up farting uncontrollably.

When you don’t know someone well, it’s easy for things to get awkward. Sometimes it’s your date’s fault. Other times it’s yours.

“We met on OKCupid, and decided on a place to meet for lunch. She's overweight, but definitely not obese. Very nice, seemed like just the sweetest person,” one man explained.

As they ate - a “heavy” meal of fried chicken and mashed potatoes for her - the woman started talking about how she’d recently lost lots of weight.

“Man, I just love food,” she said.

“Yeah, I can tell!” the man replied.

“Her face dropped,” he explains. “She literally put her fork down on her plate, and pushed her plate back a couple inches. I could tell that she was on the verge of crying.”

He didn’t mean it how it came across, but needless to say there was no second date.

Some of the most awkward moments on dates always come about when you realise you have extremely different views on politics, religion, gender issues and racism, as one man found out:

“I was telling a story that just happened to have a black person in it when she interrupted me and said, ‘I f***ing hate n*****s.’” What do you say to that?

And sometimes things just get weird, as one woman found out when she was invited round to her neighbour’s to watch a film:

“About a third of the way into the movie, he went to the bathroom and was gone a pretty long time. I finally got up just to see where he went, and lo and behold, there he is: sitting on the corner of his bed, door open, jerking off swiftly and furiously, really beating it, and just implores: ‘You did this to me. Don't do anything. Just stand there a minute.’”

The woman didn’t reveal whether she ran away and immediately moved house, but one can only assume.

But even if you have an incredibly embarrassing moment on a first date, all is not lost, as one woman revealed.

It was her third date with Rob and she’d been avoiding carbs for a while in a bid to lose some weight. They went out for a meal and he proceeded to order lots of delicious, rich things that she hadn’t eaten for a long time. “I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry,” she says.

It was only afterwards when the pair were doing a spot of shopping that the uncontrollable gassiness began. “I thought I was dying,” the woman says, and she asked Rob to drive her home.

“The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized… My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.

“The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping onto my door and the dashboard.”

“How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart? Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.”

She let it out. It was of the silent-but-deadly type. She tried to open the windows but it was too late. “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.

“The toots started to flood out uncontrollably,” she goes on. “I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.”

By the time she got home, she was convinced she’d never see him again.

“I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours,” she says.

But reader, she married him. Because love trumps all.