Dating app profile rules for 2018

The world of dating apps is fast-paced, fickle and fierce.

You have to be prepared for inappropriate messages, being ghosted after a week of chatting and a never-ending stream of identikit profiles.

Yes, swiping your way through potential suitors can be exhausting.

But creating a stand-out profile is also a challenge - what do you do to catch someone’s eye when they might be swiping through hundreds of men and/or women in a sitting?

You need to showcase your uniqueness whilst also presenting the best, but truthful, version of yourself.

I think we all know photos with drugged tigers or shots of you riding elephants are a no-no. But you’d also like to think we’d no longer be seeing mirror selfies and Snapchat filtered shots, and yet they prevail.

Here are all the things that shouldn’t be in your dating app profile in 2018:

A picture with a dog - or a puppy for bonus points - seems to be a basic requirement of a dating app profile these days. What could be better than a hot person with a cute fluff-ball, after all?

But do not do this unless you own the dog. If you do not have access to said dog on the reg - and by that I mean if you are not able to offer us access to said dog on the reg - don’t tease us only to crush our dreams.

Why do people do this? We don’t want to follow you. We just want to stalk you. And all the people in your pictures. We want to see more photos of you and assess your wit in your captions. If you are not ready for this, do not reveal your Instagram.

Also, if your feed is just a bit sub-par, you’re not helping your case by sharing it with your potential suitors.

“‘Five stars!’ - my mum. ‘Really great in bed’ - ex-girlfriend. ‘Stop asking me for a review’ - anonymous Tinder woman.”

Funny the first time, extremely tedious now.

Oh, do one.

“Looking for someone petite and fit.” “No fatties please.” Bios like these make you come across as arrogant and insulting. And d’you know what, even if you are petite and fit, you’re probably not going to swipe right because the guy/girl in question sounds like a douchebag.

There is no excuse for a mirror selfie. No, not even if you have an amazing bum or abs of steel. Posed pictures showing off a bodypart in any capacity make you look vain.

And for goodness sake, don't you have any other pictures of you? Or someone to take a quick snap?

To be honest, selfies of any kind are just no-nos.

Dude, we didn’t think the baby was yours. We never presume the baby is yours.

Yes, this was good the first time we saw it. But in case you didn’t know, this line is now used in approx one in five bios. You can be more original than that.

There’s being basic (avocado emojis, prosecco pictures etc) and then there’s Snapchat filters, which is just a whole new level.

Whether you’ve gone for dog ears and tongue, the flower crown or the ‘pretty filter’ (yes, we can tell when you’ve used it), they’re just annoying. And funnily enough we actually want to see your face when trying to decide whether we fancy you or not.

People are touchy about height, we know this, so it’s best just to steer clear of the topic. Don’t specify what height you’re looking for in a person (“those under six foot need not apply) or God forbid, put your own height with the addition of “because apparently that’s important.”

You’re just offending everyone who does care about the height of a potential love interest.