How to ease yourself back into socialising once lockdown lifts, according to psychologists

The list of things that lockdown has taken from us is long.

Depending on your financial situation, your living arrangements and your relationship status, it could include anything from your job or your business to your home, your pet, your wedding or even your partner.

But there’s one thing the lockdown has undoubtedly taken from all of us. And that’s our social skills.

Britons have now gone over three months without trips to the pub, dinner parties, and proper birthday celebrations – you know, the kind where you can actually get closer than two metres to someone.

Finally, it looks like the tide is now turning. The UK death toll for Covid-19 has been gradually falling in recent weeks and the latest government figures show that the current growth rate for the virus is -4 per cent to -2 per cent. That number is an approximation of the change of number infections each day, if it is is greater than zero, the disease will grow. If it is less than zero, then the disease will shrink.

Meanwhile the current R estimate, which refers to the average number of people that one infected person can expect to pass the coronavirus on to, remains at 0.7-0.9.

It is in light of this data that Boris Johnson confirmed the hospitality sector could finally reopen in England on 4 July.

That means that pubs, bars, cafes, restaurants, hotels and cinemas are finally able to open their doors once again.

Additionally, two households of any size can meet indoors or outside for the first time since lockdown began on 23 March.

And so people will finally be exposed to social situations again. But can we really just slot back into socialising like nothing has changed?

Sure, some people might be itching to surround themselves with people primed to hear their bonkers social distancing dating stories, but for others, socialising may seem like a more daunting prospect now than ever before.

What should you do if you feel overwhelmed? How can you ensure everyone is maintaining social distancing? And how can you leave a social situation if you’re feeling uncomfortable?

In light of the lifting of lockdown restrictions on 4 July, The Independent spoke to psychologists to find out how best to reintegrate yourself back into socialising without losing your sanity, or your friends.

Some activities will feel less intimidating than others, and that will depend on which ones were more familiar to you before lockdown, explains Dr Rose Aghdami, chartered psychologist and resilience specialist.

“This might be a short 15-minute chat with an old friend in a garden,” she suggests.

“Then change just one aspect of this to progress. Think about what you feel you could manage to do (with a bit of difficulty, but not too much) regarding socialising – however small it seems at this stage.

“Perhaps a coffee with that friend in a garden, so it lasts longer than the 15-minute chat. Then, change just one thing again – this time, a coffee in the garden with two people, or a lunch with one person in the garden.”

Psychologists call this process a “graded hierarchy”, Dr Aghdami explains.

“It’s more effective to take small steps and gain confidence that way rather than do too much, too soon, and risk putting yourself off trying again.”

Dr Michael Drayton, clinical psychologist and organisational consultant, points to the work of the child psychologist Jerome Bruner, who was once asked how to encourage an anxious child to join in with other kids at the playground.

“He said that it’s a waste of time reassuring the kid that they will be fine, because the kid just won’t believe you.

“Instead, walk to the edge of the playground holding their hand. Then, slowly let go of their hand, then take a step away from them, then encourage them to stand the edge of the playground and just watch the other kids, while you take a step back. When you’ve done this, you’ll probably see the child slowly start to join in.”

The trick, Dr Drayton says, is to do things in small stages. “Don’t just jump back into it, slowly build up to it,” he adds. ”One small step at a time.”

It’s completely normal to feel nervous about putting yourself back into social situations given that we are still in midst of a pandemic, which is why your friends will understand if you share your concerns with them ahead of meeting them.

“Be honest and explain that you’re feeling anxious and that you might leave if it gets too much,” suggests Dr Sally Austen.

“That way, it doesn’t have to be a big deal if you do leave. You have every right to change your mind when you’re there, particularly if the group of people is bigger than expected or you see people not sticking to the rules.”

While the phrase “we’re all in this together” has now become hackneyed and co-opted by brands, it does make sense when it comes to socialising again.

“We are all scared fallible human beings,” notes Dr Drayton, who points out that just because we can’t see other people’s anxieties, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there and that they don’t feel the exact same way we do.

“Remember you experience yourself from the inside, but only see the outside of other people,” he says.

“You are acutely aware of all your anxieties, doubts and insecurities. But, you only see the face they choose to present to the world.

“They are likely to be just as anxious as you. They can’t see your anxiety just like you can’t see theirs.”

Rules are rules for a reason, and sticking to them will help alleviate anxieties because it gives you a sense of control, says Dr Austen.

Anyone travelling on public transport in England must now wear a face covering, so remember to bring one with you when travelling to meet your friends.

You must also remember to stay at least two metres away from those outside of your household as per social distancing rules – though this will be reduced to one metre from 4 July.

“Wear your mask, wash your hands and take hand sanitiser with you,” says Dr Austen.

“When we feel like we’re actively doing something to combat our anxieties – like following rules – that can help alleviate them.”

If you are experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety, such as shortness of breath, it can be helpful to try to slow your breathing to regain control of it, says Dr Aghdami.

“When you feel anxious or overwhelmed by the prospect of socialising again, ease the physical agitation you feel by dropping your shoulders and breathing out, then keep your breathing slow and low,” she advises.

“If your body is relaxed then your mind will be racing less and your thinking will be clearer.”

Finally, if you are really struggling to see how you can socialise again, it might be helpful to think about the long-term impacts of staying in isolation, says Dr Aghdami.

“In time, say in a month or two, would you like to feel more relaxed about mixing with others? If so, ask yourself what the benefits of that would be,” she suggests.

“This may confirm to you that the advantages might be worth some effort.”

If you do want to socialise again but are feeling overwhelmed, Dr Aghami suggests reminding yourself of two things: “Nothing will change unless you nudge yourself out of your comfort zone.

“And you won’t progress with this unless you take action – thinking about it isn’t enough.”