Internet roasts man who used his engagement to talk about sales on LinkedIn: ‘LinkedIn is a disease’

The internet has roasted a man who used his recent engagement to talk about sales strategy in a LinkedIn post.

In a viral post on X, formerly known as Twitter, a user screenshotted salesman Bryan Shankman’s post using his engagement to advertise his business-to-business (B2B) model. The post used a picture of Shankman down on his knee proposing to his gleefully surprised fiancée, but it was the original post’s caption that X users took issue with.

“I proposed to my girlfriend this weekend,” Shankman wrote in the caption before segueing into his business strategy in a head-scratching way. “Here’s what it taught me about B2B sales...”

“Like a well-run sales cycle, key milestones must be met throughout the relationship to ensure a Closed Won status at the end,” he continued, listing prospecting, discovery, demo-ing, pricing, negotiations and more as things he learned from his relationship that applied to B2B sales.

When explaining how B2B pricing relates to his engagement, he compared his now-fiancée to a sales prospect. He said: “After demoing and, ideally, getting their hands on the product, your prospect is ready to buy. This is where the crucial step of pricing comes in. Know your worth, and don’t discount to close the sale. Keep your integrity and present pricing firmly.”

He concluded the post by comparing his relationship to the signing of a deal that had gone through, complete with corporate-speak.

“If you’ve done your work in the earlier stages of the relationship, when it comes time to close the deal, you’ll have nothing to worry about,” he stressed. “Send the Docusign, touch your knee, and get ready to move the deal to Closed Won.”

Above the screenshot of Shankman’s post, the user captioned it: “LinkedIn is a disease.”

The X user then began to write parodies of Shankman’s post, getting progressively more hilarious as they tried different versions of the LinkedIn caption.

“My wife filed for divorce this weekend,” the user wrote. “Here’s what it taught me about unexpected market corrections...”

“My wife asked if she could have a boyfriend,” they continued. “Here’s what it taught me about mergers and acquisitions.”

Some people started writing their own versions of Shankman’s caption, taking his corporate jargon in absurd new directions.

“I had to have my dog put to sleep yesterday,” someone commented. “Here’s what it taught me about being an Angel Investor.”

“My kids told me mom said I wasn’t their dad,” another added. “Here’s what it taught me about false corporate narratives…”

Other people in the reply section of the X post readily agreed with the user, noting that it was offputting posts like Shankman’s that irked them the most.

“Quite literally my most hated type of post on [LinkedIn],” one person wrote, while another added: “We may need to get rid of the internet. [It’s] gone too far.”

“Lmaooo you could give me 1000 years and I’d never guess the second half of that post,” someone else commented.

One person noted that social media was the main root of the issue, having fostered a virtual social landscape that encourages voracious self-promotion to the point that it normalises users turning important milestones into business or advertising opportunities.

“The epidemic of self-promotion caused by social media is the disease,” one person wrote. “LinkedIn is just one of the more awful manifestations.”

Initially, LinkedIn was launched to primarily serve as a social media network catering to professionals, but as time has worn on, people have noticeably gotten more vulnerable and personal on the platform - albeit in ways that usually serve their own ends.

The Independent has contacted Shankman for comment.